


There’s Nothing On Our Side

by Glitterwriter



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Public Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-11
Updated: 2014-01-11
Packaged: 2018-01-08 08:22:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1130417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glitterwriter/pseuds/Glitterwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>“I know I should be happy about what we had; still, I can’t feel anything but regret about what we couldn’t have. I can’t stop thinking what could have been, and I can’t stop hating the universe for taking that away from me. Maybe if it had come to a natural end, I would feel how great it was. Maybe I would be just grateful. But it was taken away from me. HE was taken away from me. I can’t call my love story a great one, because it was not finished.”</i><br/>Tommy’s boyfriend Aiden had been murdered, and for a long time Tommy was the main suspect. Finally the truth about Aiden’s death was revealed, and Tommy left the jail as an innocent man, ready to try a life without his lover. He meets Adam in a bar, and they hook up. What was meant to be just hot sex develops into something serious when Tommy accidently finds a new job and a new home close to Adam. Their passion for music pulls them together, and Tommy eventually opens up enough to tell Adam his story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There’s Nothing On Our Side

**Author's Note:**

> Written for LBB round 3. 
> 
> For info about the minor character death, look at the end of work. 
> 
> That story jumped on my out of nowhere as a fill for a prompt on Glam100. It's written from Tommy's POV. And yes, I hurt him again, a lot... Sorry about that. 
> 
> Beta: [rhiannanzbatzz](http://rhiannanb2.livejournal.com/) thank you so much for working on it! 
> 
> All remaining mistakes are totally mine!
> 
> [rhiannanzbatzz](http://rhiannanb2.livejournal.com/) is also my artist!!! Please go and enjoy the amazing musicmix she made for me: [Music](http://rhiannanb2.livejournal.com/1027.html) Leave some love on her journal and listen to the music!!! It fits great.
> 
> It was such a pleasure to work with you Rhi! Thank you for your suggestions and also for all the handholding and cheering, while I was not sure, I could ever finish that fic. <3 Guys, she has really the patience of an angel, because that was all last minute! So happy it worked out! Love the mix!! 
> 
> No offense to any of the real persons I used to tell the story. I don't own them, I only own that story. I would like you to not tweet that fic to any of the persons you might recognize here.
> 
> And yes: completely AU, never happened, I am just telling you a fairytale ;) I don't know the details of investigation in the USA, so everything I used is based on research or it was just fitting the story, so I took some freedom to write what I want ;)
> 
> Last but not least: A big THANK YOU to the mods of LBB for taking this comm over, it was amazing to be part of this :) You guys rock!!!

 

 

Tommy smiled when he parked in front of their house. The rehearsals went great, and the upcoming gig should finally bring the band to another level. They could get signed, if the rumors were true. He certainly hoped so.

 

Tommy wasn’t unhappy about his daily job. He liked to work at the restaurant. It was a good place, and the tips were high. It was also hip enough to allow him to stick with his punk style. It would have sucked if he couldn’t put some color in his hair or on his face. Still, the possibility of making a living out of music was a different thing. It was his dream.

 

Tommy climbed out of his car and got his guitar out of the trunk. When he walked towards the front door, he wondered briefly why all the lights were off. Sure, Aiden had to get up early the next day, but it was not even midnight, and Tommy had hoped he could talk with his boyfriend. They had been so busy these days and he missed him.

 

He pulled his keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door. Darkness welcomed him, and a strange feeling overcame him. Something was out of place, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. He stepped into the house and reached with his hand out to find the switch to turn the lights on. It didn’t work, and Tommy had enough time to feel fear creeping up his body before something hit his head and he fell down and into more darkness.

 

Tommy woke up, hearing someone pounding at the front door.

 

“Police! Open the door!”

 

Tommy looked around his bedroom. The sun was shining through the blinds, and it was quiet. The only noise he heard was the pounding at the door. Slowly Tommy started to turn around. The moment he moved, he felt like his head would explode. He touched the back of it, where he felt most of the ache, and his eyes went wide when he felt something slimy on his fingers. He looked at his hand and gasped when he realized there was blood on his fingertips.

 

“What the hell…”

 

Tommy started to remember that he had been down when he entered the house. When he entered _their_ house…

 

Aiden… where was Aiden?

 

Tommy turned towards Aiden’s side of the bed, and his heart must have stopped for a second. Aiden was lying there. His eyes were open and dead. Blood was smeared all over the sheets and Aiden’s body and face.

 

“My God, Aiden! Aiden, no, no, no, baby, please…NO!”

 

Panic took his breath away when he touched Aiden and realized he was cold. Aiden was dead. Someone killed him in their home. Someone came here and killed Aiden.

 

Tommy’s thoughts started racing in his head. He didn’t hear the police storming the house. He just looked at Aiden’s dead eyes and started to cry.

 

Why was this happening now? After everything they had been through, they deserved happiness. Tommy sobbed while he touched Aiden’s face. He was cold, and Tommy couldn’t bear to see the dead look in Aiden’s eyes. He closed them and pulled Aiden in his arms. He didn’t care that he got blood all over himself. He stroked over Aiden’s hair and body and cried.

 

Suddenly he was pulled away. His bloody hands were put behind his back. Someone was shouting at him something about his rights and that he could get a lawyer. Someone cuffed his hands. There were policemen all around him. They looked all over the room and the house and started to collect the sheets. Some of them were touching Aiden.

 

“Don’t touch anything!”

 

A guy in a coat stepped into the room and shouted at the policemen.

 

“I am taking the crime scene over.”

 

Tommy was startled by the voice. He knew the man. It was Garry Smith. Tommy shuddered when he looked at him.

 

“Tommy, what did you do?” The voice was laced with an evil smirk.

 

Tommy shook his head, but he had no words. Aiden was dead, and there was nothing left to say.

 

“Take him to jail. I will be there in one hour. He is allowed to have a glass of water, nothing else until I get to him. Understand?”

 

The officer beside Tommy nodded. They started to pull him away from Aiden.

 

“No, no! I need to say goodbye, please let me!”

 

Tommy struggled against the hold, but it was useless. Bitter tears pushed in his eyes and made him choke. Garry stepped closer and lowered his head on Tommy’s level to whisper in his ear.  

 

“You lost your right to anything, when you took him away from his family. You killed him, when you took him with you. Now you will pay for it.”

,

The last bit of his strength left his body and he let himself be pulled away from his lover. He couldn’t see him anymore, because Garry blocked his view. Tommy couldn’t do anything about it. Despair was tearing his heart in shreds. He felt lost. Tears were running down his face. He didn’t care who saw them.

 

When Tommy looked through his tears at Garry, he saw the man’s evil grin. He gasped as the reality hit him in the guts: Aiden was killed because his family couldn’t accept that he was gay. They couldn’t accept Tommy as his partner, and even though Tommy and Aiden had moved far away from them, they had found them. Aiden’s father had promised to destroy them. He had succeeded; Aiden was dead. There was nothing left for Tommy in this world. When they pushed him in the police car, he closed his eyes and tried to remember Aiden’s face. But all he saw were Aiden’s dead eyes.

 

He wanted to lie down and die. His life was already over…

 

***

_About ten months later_

 

The gate closed behind him with a loud thud. He looked back and a guard gave him a nod, a small smile on his face. He took a deep breath and started to walk. His fast steps took him further and further away from the place that had been his home for the last ten months.

 

He was leaving the jail as a free man, as an innocent man. They proved that he didn't commit murder, but still the feeling of guilt was a burden he would have to deal with for the rest of his life. Aiden was dead, and Tommy had caused his death. He should have left Aiden when his family threatened them. But as much as Tommy wished he could turn back time and change his behavior, he knew he never would have been able to walk away from Aiden. Aiden was his, and Tommy was Aiden’s. There was no way he could have walked away.

 

Tommy looked at the blue family van parked across the street. The door opened, and his sister stepped out of it. They walked towards each other. Lisa was crying, and Tommy felt his own tears pushing in his eyes.

 

“Finally! I still can’t believe it’s over, Tommy!”

 

Tommy gave her a fake smile, pushing away the thought, that it would never be over for him. He pulled her in his arms and breathed her scent in. It was good to feel her again. He was still alive, even though a part of him would remain silent forever. He could still have a good life.

 

When they pulled away, Lisa pushed Tommy towards her car.

 

“Come on! We have several hours to drive, and there are people waiting for you.  They missed you and want to see you again. Tthey want to hug you. Sutan is probably driving everyone nuts already. He was so worried about you and so fierce in his fight to get you out of prison.”

 

Tommy smiled and swallowed against emotions.

 

“He and you, you were my lifeline. I don’t know what I would have done without you…”

 

His voice trailed off, and he cleared his throat. A slightly forced smile appeared on Tommy’s face.

 

“Enough of sad thoughts. I want to eat something good. Take me to that party, so I can get it over with.”

 

Lisa laid her hand on Tommy’s waist and pulled him towards her car. They separated there, so Tommy could get in, but they held hands the whole ride to Lisa’s house. Tommy allowed himself to feel a little happiness. Life would go on; it had to, somehow…

 

The drive from prison to Burbank took them a while. Tommy enjoyed being able to let his wander towards the horizon. He was never especially interested in nature, but while he was locked away, he had missed it.

 

“How is Bridget doing?”

 

Lisa smiled while she looked at Tommy.

 

“She is excited to see you again. I had to prepare her a dress for wearing and she is looking for the best toys to show them to you. She is so excited.”

 

Tommy swallowed and looked out of the window. When he started talking again, his eyes remained on the landscape they were passing by.

 

“I had given up before you visited me and showed me a picture of her, before you told me how much she was missing me and how much she loved me. I was ready to accept anything they would throw at me.”

 

Tommy wiped the wetness off of his cheeks, before he was able to look at Lisa. She was smiling at him through tears. She found a place to stop and park. As soon as she parked, she moved closer to Tommy and pulled him in a crushing hug. They let their tears go. It was hard to take that they almost lost each other.

 

“I was so afraid I would never see you again, Tommy. Everything seemed lost, until you got that new lawyer who was really fighting for you.”

 

Tommy nodded.

 

“I still don’t know who paid her fees. But I’m glad that I got over my pride and accepted the gift. I just wish I could thank them for their help. I don’t think without Casey I would be a free man now.”

 

Tommy kissed Lisa’s cheek, and she moved back into the driver’s position to start the car.

 

***

 

Tommy was overwhelmed. All the friends he and Aiden had made in Los Angeles were there. Sutan was the first one to hug Tommy. He refused to let him go for a long time and whispered all the words of friendship Tommy needed to hear so badly. When Sutan let him go, they both were wiping tears away.

 

Tommy looked around. All the people, who were important in their life, were here. Tommy was thankful, but it was ripping his heart out, because it reminded him painfully of the fact that Aiden wasn’t with him.

 

After some talks and a long tea party with Bridget, Tommy found himself outside the house in the garden. He was sitting in a garden chair, looking up to the sky. It was a cloudy night, so he couldn’t see any stars. Still, he couldn’t stop looking for them.

 

“Hey, there you are. Is it ok if I sit down beside you?”

 

Sutan looked at Tommy, and Tommy knew if he didn’t want him to stay, he would go back inside. But Tommy just patted the chair beside him, and Sutan sat down. He took Tommy’s hand in his and squeezed it.

 

“When are you leaving?”

 

 Tommy took a deep breath and looked at Sutan.

 

“I think tomorrow. But first, I have something to do. I need to say goodbye to Aiden. I didn’t have the chance…”

 

Tommy stopped and blinked the new tears away. Sutan squeezed his hand again.

 

“I know, Tommy. Do you need some help packing your things?”

 

Tommy looked at him in surprise.

 

“My things? There isn’t anything left. I mean I told you to get rid of it when I got arrested. I didn’t think I would need them anymore.”

 

Sutan smiled.

 

“Yeah, about that… I really couldn’t just throw everything away. I kept some stuff in my garage. Not everything, but…”

 

Tommy put his free hand over his mouth and sobbed. Sutan pulled him in a hug and whispered in his ear.

 

“If you want, I can pick you up in the morning with your car. You can sort out the things you might want to keep and take them with you. I also kept some newspapers and stuff, if you want to keep them.”

 

Tommy nodded against Sutan’s chest. He was so grateful for the friends who believed in him. He pushed the thought of going through Aiden’s stuff away and enjoyed the rest of the evening with his family and friends.

 

***

 

Tommy was happy to find his guitars in Sutan’s garage. He had also kept Tommy’s clothes and shoes. There was not much of Aiden’s stuff left. Sutan told him that before he got the keys, Aiden’s family must have taken some stuff away. Still there were boxes with their private stuff. There were some of Aiden’s books, some CDs, letters and a lot of photographs.

Tommy let the tears fall down his face when he went through the pictures. Some of them were of them together, but there were a lot of just Aiden. Tommy couldn’t help but wonder if Aiden’s family had taken some pictures away. It didn’t seem like that.

He found his laptop and knew all the pictures and videos were saved there. He would eventually watch them. For now, he sorted out what he wanted to keep. He gave most of his electronic equipment to Sutan and Lisa. He didn’t know where he would go and what he would need.

He packed his guitars and his suitcases in his car. Tommy was grateful that Sutan had kept his things. He looked over the newspapers and put them in a box with the pictures and his papers from the court. He put the box into the passenger seat.

Then he said his goodbyes to Sutan. He promised to keep in touch. Sutan knew that Tommy had to leave to find himself again. He couldn’t do that here, there was no room left to breathe.

Lisa had made him promise earlier to call her at least once a week. He was sure, they would see each other soon, he was just not sure when or where.

He got into the car and drove towards the ocean. There was a special place he and Aiden had visited a lot of times. When he arrived, he got out of the car and walked to the beach. It was getting dark fast, and he was happy about that. He sat the box down and walked towards the water. It was silent, just the right mood for what he had planned to do.

He took everything out of the box, put it on the sand and lit up a stack of papers to start the fire. This was the goodbye he needed, the only one close enough to a funeral he could get.

Fire has the power to destroy things. It burns them down to ashes. It takes memories away. Sometimes it takes everything away that has a meaning in your life.

But sometimes it gives you the chance to create something new. It gives you the chance to leave everything behind, to start a completely new life. That was what Tommy was hoping for: a new beginning, a new life. Maybe it would be a better one, a life worth living.

 

The fire was burning high, taking away pieces of a lost life plan, healing a broken heart, and revealing new possibilities. Tommy looked at the papers burning in front of him. He could still read the words “guilty” and “murder” between the flames, reminding him of a time when nobody believed him. The fire was eating the words and the bitter meaning behind them away.

 

The ashes were twirling around Tommy, flying up to the sky.

 

He took the photo he wanted to burn out of the frame and looked at his own face smiling back at him. A tear made its way down his face. The sadness was still there, lingering and waiting to take him apart all over again. Tommy watched the fire for a while. It was not as big as he hoped it would be, but there weren’t as many things left behind as he had first thought. It was almost as if his time with Aiden was just a dream, a fairytale gone bad. But it was real, as real as the grave where Aiden’s body had been buried for almost a year.

 

Tommy looked at Aiden’s smiling face on the photo; a reminder of a happier time in his life, a time when everything seemed to be possible. Tommy let the grief take over for a while.

 

The fire had died down and there was just a glimmer between the ashes. Tommy was still holding their photo in his hand, the last memory of a love that had left him broken and lonely. He got up and put the photo in his wallet. He got into his car and started it. He had no idea where he would go. There was no plan anymore.

 

But there was hope again, and he was ready to take a chance.

 

Maybe there was still someone waiting for him. Maybe he just needed to trust that for once he could get lucky.

 

***

 

Tommy had been driving for a few hours, and it was almost midnight. The road was pulling at him like it was driving him towards his unknown destination. Finally he came to a town that seemed familiar to him. Something about it told him he might have found a new home.

 

Heaven… maybe the name was a bit much, but who knows?

 

Tommy parked his car in front of a bar and stepped out of it. He stretched his arms over his head and shook his legs out. He looked around, and decided it should be safe to leave his stuff in the car. He closed and locked the doors and walked towards the bar. Funny enough, its name was “Devil’s Kitchen”. Tommy grinned at that and stepped inside.

 

It seemed like any other bar, and Tommy ordered a whiskey and sat down on a bar stool. He looked around in the dark room. There were some guys playing darts in the corner. A group of young women were chatting, clearly checking him out. He grinned while he turned away from them. He almost jumped off the stool when someone right beside him started to talk.

 

“Too bad for them, you are playing for my team.”

 

Tommy turned around, and the guy beside him grinned at him. Tommy let his eyes wander over the stranger’s body, and he enjoyed the sight. The look in the man’s eyes was challenging, and Tommy was all up to a challenge. It had been so long… He wanted to feel someone again and that guy right in front of him seemed the right one for a one night ride.

 

“Too bad…” Tommy smirked and moved closer to the guy.

 

He was really hot. Dark hair fell over blue grey eyes, and Tommy’s eyes were drawn to the guy’s full lips. There were small spots on them and Tommy wanted to find out if they were just freckles or maybe tasty chocolate.

 

Tommy decided that enough words had been exchanged between them. He took one last sip out of his glass, and let his tongue catch the last drop from his lips while he locked eyes with the stranger. Then he moved towards the men’s room. He didn’t miss the chance to brush his hand over the stranger’s arm while he walked by him. He sent all the right signals and stepped into the men’s room.

 

He didn’t have to wait long until the door opened and the guy stepped inside. He looked around and then locked the door behind them. He pushed Tommy towards one of the stalls in the back and locked that door too. Then he pushed Tommy against the door, and suddenly his lips were on Tommy’s, and his tongue was parting them with a hard kiss.

 

Tommy moaned into the kiss and started to open his pants. All he wanted was a fast, hard fuck, right here, against the door. And the guy seemed to be open to that plan. He pulled Tommy’s pants down and let his hand slip into his underwear.

 

“Fuck…”

 

Tommy’s head banged against the door. That guy knew what he was doing, and damn him, he was amazing. Tommy’s cock was getting harder with every stroke of the guy’s hands. Tommy looked down to watch those long fingers wrapped around his cock. When he looked up again, the guy was watching him. He put his free hand over Tommy’s stomach and let it wander under Tommy’s shirt. Tommy started to get impatient.

 

“Fuck me! Come on!”

 

The guy smirked and moved closer to lick over Tommy’s throat, towards his collar bone. He dipped his tongue into it and then bit lightly at it. Tommy shuddered under the touch.

 

“You are so eager for my touch. I can’t wait to put my cock in you.”

 

The guy’s voice sounded hoarse and Tommy was so turned on his ears were ringing. But just before he could get frustrated, the guy pulled him into a last hard kiss and then turned him around. He pulled Tommy’s underwear down, and Tommy groaned at the cool air against his ass. Then he felt the guy’s long fingers sliding between his cheeks and he leaned forward and put his forehead against the door. He wanted to feel the guy’s cock sliding into him, tearing him apart… he just wanted to feel again.

 

“Come on, fuck me! Give it to me hard and rough!”

 

The guy moved closer and put his whole body against Tommy’s back. Tommy could feel that he must have pulled his pants down, because a hard, huge cock was sliding along his cleft.

 

_Fucking hell, the guy was huge._

 

Tommy was shaking in anticipation of having a huge cock splitting him apart, but the guy had other ideas. He put his hand around Tommy’s neck and pulled him back so that Tommy’s head was lying on the guy’s shoulder. Then Tommy heard a low voice speaking into his ear.

 

“I will fuck you as hard as I can in a few moments. But first I will prepare you for my cock. Because I always fuck on my terms, and I never want to hurt anybody more than is enjoyable. So just lean back, and enjoy the ride.”

 

He bit into Tommy’s ear, and Tommy moaned. When the guy’s hand fell away from his throat, Tommy’s head fell back against the door. He put his hands against the door and braced himself for whatever that guy would give him.

 

He enjoyed how the guy pushed his legs wider apart and spread his cheeks. Finally he felt fingers against his hole, and he shuddered at the sensation. Tommy knew the slight wetness on the finger that rimmed his hole was just spit, but he didn’t care. He was turned on enough that he would beg to be fucked just with that. But somehow he knew that was not on this guy’s mind. That’s why he wasn’t surprised to hear a foil package being ripped open and then lube dripping along his cleft.

 

The guy pushed the lube into Tommy, using first one finger. Tommy shuddered when the finger breached him.

 

“Fuck, you are tight… Can’t wait to get inside!”

 

Tommy moaned when another finger slipped in, and the guy started to fuck him with both fingers. He moved back against the fingers, needing more. He didn’t care how wanton he looked right now, because he WAS wanton! He needed that cock in him like two hours ago! But no matter how much he was trying to hurry the guy up, he was taking his time. He scissored his fingers inside Tommy, and Tommy’s knees were buckling underneath him. 

 

Finally the fingers were pulled out, and for a second Tommy wanted to beg the guy to put them back in, but he knew there was so much more, so much better, waiting for him. And when he heard another foil package being ripped open, he almost started to whine.

 

“Hurry up and get it in me!”

 

The guy fucking chuckled, but before Tommy could respond to it, he felt the sheeted head of the guy’s cock pushing against his hole. He spread his legs further apart, silently cursing for keeping his pants around his ankles. Then there was no other thought left in his head, because the guy pushed his cock in. He was careful, but not gentle, and Tommy was thankful for every bit of pain he was feeling while the huge cock slipped inside, inch by inch. Finally the whole length was inside, and Tommy took a deep breath. He swallowed hard and relaxed against the intrusion. It felt so good he could have cried.

 

“Ready?”

 

The guy’s voice was smooth and sexy. Tommy was not able to answer, so he just nodded and pushed against the body behind him. Then he felt the guy pul out slowly, just to slam back in with full force.

 

“Yes! Just like that!”

 

Tommy started to groan loudly, while the guy pounded his ass in a fast rhythm. It was perfect, on the right side of pain, giving him all the pleasure he needed to feel alive again. His pulse started to beat loudly in his head. He was panting against the door, his fingers searching for something to grip onto. When he couldn’t find anything, he simply leaned more forward and let himself be fucked.

 

All his senses were in overdrive. He could hear the guy panting behind him, driving him on, making him crazy. Suddenly, the guy’s hand was on his chest pulling him slightly back. The new angle was perfect for rubbing against his prostate. And the guy obviously knew what he was doing. His free hand pressed against the door, while he let his cock drive in and out of Tommy, faster, harder, closer…

 

“So close, I need to come…”

 

Tommy could feel his orgasm building, but he needed something more to let him fall over the edge. He was able to take one of his hands away from the door and grip his cock. He started to stroke it in a rhythm matching the guy’s movements.

 

“Yes, Baby, stroke it! Let me feel you come…”

 

That voice was doing things to Tommy… He was coming suddenly and with a force that almost made him fall down. And then he felt the guy coming too, and his own orgasm seemed to get prolonged by that. It was like a wave was riding his body, and he was not able to stop crying his release out loud.

 

Finally the high was over, and he fell completely against the door. He couldn’t stop grinning in satisfaction while he felt the guy pulling out. He was almost embarrassed when he felt the guy cleaning him up with toilet paper. It was not what he wanted; he couldn’t handle gentle and caring right now. So he pulled away and turned around. He reached around the guy to grab some toilet paper to clean up his hands.

 

They both cleaned up and got dressed again in silence. Tommy was so grateful for that. He got his perfect fuck and was tired and sore in the right places. It felt good to be alive instead of just existing. He couldn’t stop smiling.

 

Then he looked into the guy’s face, and there was something that made him stop in his tracks. Those eyes were even more beautiful that close. Tommy swallowed hard and tried to look away, but the guy moved closer.

 

_Fuck!_

 

Then he was kissed, gentle and sweet. It was nothing like the kisses they shared before, nothing like the hard fuck he just enjoyed. It shook him to his core and tore him open. It hurt in a way that surprised him and reminded him of something that was lost forever.

 

_What the fuck?!_

 

Tommy could feel anger build up in him when the kiss ended. Why did the guy need to ruin the perfect moment?

 

Before he could react, the guy pulled away, put a small card into Tommy's pocket, and left the stall with a wink. Only a few moments later, Tommy was alone in the men’s room. He found himself in front of the mirror, panting hard. He pulled the card out of his pocket at looked down at it.

 

“Adam Lambert” and a phone number were written on it. Tommy ripped the card in small pieces and threw it in the sink. He washed his hands, and the water took the remains of his come and the paper pieces down the drain.

 

Tommy was sure he would soon forget the feeling of the guy’s lips against his. Someone he could care about was something he didn't need at all right now. This was supposed to be a fuck. A hard one. A reminder that he was alive and not dead. That guy would destroy him, if he let him in. That was not what was supposed to happen. Tommy left the men's room and the bar and got to his car.

***

 

Tommy found a cheap motel room for the night. He spent a long time under the hot shower. He tried to wash away the soreness he felt in his body and in his mind. He should be able to move on, but still his mind wandered back to Aiden. He missed him so much.

Maybe he would always miss him.

Tommy sighed and stepped out of the shower. He dried his body and moved toward the bed. He was tired and just flopped down on it. He managed to throw a blanket over himself and let sleep take him away.

He woke up early next morning. He kept his eyes closed and watched Aiden’s face as he smiled at him. It hurt so bad that it was just a memory. Tommy sighed and let the tears fall down. Suddenly Aiden’s green eyes turned into grey blue and Tommy’s eyes flew open when a smirk replaced Aiden’s smile.

He wiped the last tears away and rolled out of the bed.

_Damn you, Adam!_

Luckily there was not really a great chance to meet again. No need to overthink what happened between them.

Tommy got ready to leave the room. He needed a place to stay. The money he got as compensation when he got released would help him to get through the next few months, but he needed to settle down. Going on without a plan wasn’t something he was used to doing. It made him uneasy.

Tommy walked to the front desk. He asked the guy behind it, who seemed to be bored out of his mind, if he knew about any job openings. He shook his head, but then he said Tommy could try out at “Rivers of Blues”. There could be a job opening there.

Tommy thanked him and walked out of the motel. He looked up at the sky and smiled despite his earlier mood. He pushed the thought that the sky reminded him of someone’s eyes away and walked towards his car.

***

 

Tommy stopped in front of the address he got at the motel. He got out and looked up at the sign. “Rivers of Blues” it said, and the music pouring out of the building sounded promising.

Tommy saw another sign saying they were really looking for help. He was right here.

He stepped inside. Soft sounds of blues surrounded him. An older guitar player who reminded Tommy of BB King was playing on a small stage. Tommy closed the door behind him and walked towards the bar where a small, pretty blonde was wiping the boards.

“Morning! You're looking for help?”

She looked up at him and took his guitar case in.

“Hi! Yes, we are. Just not as a guitar player, I'm afraid.”

“That's okay. I just need a job, so I will be whatever kind of help you need.”

She smiled.

“I'm Kimberley. I need help with the bar. My last bartender decided he needed to find himself somewhere in the Himalayas and left without a note. I might be a little desperate right now. Please tell me, can you fix drinks?”

Tommy nodded.

“Sure! I was working at a restaurant for a while. I'm Tommy, by the way.”

“You are heaven sent, aren’t you? When can you start? Tonight?”

Tommy laughed out loud and looked at her in surprise.

“Don't you need the owner to agree?”

“No, I'm the manager here. The owner trusts me with decisions like that. Besides, he isn’t here for the next days, and I need some help now. He is pretty easy going though, so as long as you are not a total fail, we should be ok.”

Tommy smiled at her. He couldn’t believe his luck.

“Thanks for the chance. I will do my best.”

He looked around the room and then smiled at her.

“I just got here, but I feel like I could stay for a while. Now I just need a place to stay. You don’t know somewhere I could go, do you?”

She looked at him, and slowly a smile formed on her lips.

“I think I have an idea. I can’t promise anything, but... Let me make a call.”

She left the bar and walked in the back. Tommy turned around to the guitar player. The man was lost in his music. His fingers caressed the strings, pulling a whiny sound out of them. Tommy smiled when he felt his own fingers twitching. But he didn't dare to join the man. Not yet.

Kimberley came back with a note.

“Here, this is the address. My friend Brad is waiting for you. He has a room for rent. It's nothing fancy, though. Well... The room is nothing fancy, Brad is.”

She laughed, and Tommy got curious.

“Thanks  Kimberley.”

“Kim is enough. See you later!”

Tommy gave her a small wave before he walked out the door, the music still pulling on his heart.

***

 

Nothing could have prepared Tommy for the meeting with Brad.

Brad was pure energy. He was jumping around Tommy while he showed him the apartment. Tommy had to bite a smile away. Brad was so easy to like, it was almost scary. Tommy couldn’t believe how easy everything fell into place. It seemed like he had just found a job and a place to stay without much effort. Like it was meant to be.

“So… what do you think?”

Brad looked up at Tommy with his Bambi eyes. Tommy grinned.

“Does that eye thing work well?”

Brad raised an eyebrow and laid his hand on his hip.

“Bitch, please! Of course it does. And if not, I can always shake my ass.”

With that, Brad turned and let his hips sway a bit. Tommy couldn’t stop a laugh from escaping.

“Yeah, I can see your charms. I like the room, so unless you have a dark secret, we should fit good together, I guess.”

Brad smiled, then he closed his mouth and looked at Tommy with a thoughtful expression.

“My only dark secret is my ex.”

Tommy looked at him with curiosity in his eyes.

“Is he crazy or something?”

Brad shook his head and started to giggle.

“Oh my God, no! He is just that big, dark guy your mom warned you about, the one who steals your heart forever, even if it doesn’t work out.”

Tommy gaped at Brad.

“He is a great guy, we just didn’t make it. We broke up ages ago, but I still can’t let him out of my life.”

Tommy sighed in sympathy.

“You are still hung up on him? That must suck.”

Brad laughed out loud now.

“No, silly. We are just good friends now. He is great, you will see.”

“How so?”

“He is technically your boss, so you will meet him sooner or later.”

“Should I be nervous about it? I mean, now that we live together?”

Brad shook his head.

“Nah, of course not. I bet he will love you.”  

Brad winked and looked at Tommy’s guitar case.

“Is that everything you got with you?”

Tommy laughed.

“Of course not, I have stuff in my car with me. The guitar is just the most important thing in my life right now. I will get my stuff and unpack. We can have lunch together, before I have to go to work. How does that sound?”

“Are you paying?”

Tommy smiled and nodded.

“I might have found a new best friend then…”

Brad grinned at him. Tommy smiled back. Yes, this felt definitely like home.

***

 

Tommy couldn’t believe how much he enjoyed living with Brad. Brad was all about laughter and joy. There was nothing that Brad couldn’t turn into something positive. Tommy enjoyed the friendship that was slowly starting to build between them.

Working at the bar was easy too. Tommy enjoyed the atmosphere and the music. The live music was mostly blues. It was pulling at Tommy’s heart, and his fingers were longing to play with the musicians. But that was not what he had been hired for. Tommy hoped that when the owner came back, he’d be able to ask if he could play sometime. He just ached to feel music again.

A week into working, Tommy was the last one in the bar. Kim needed to leave earlier and asked Tommy if he could close up the bar.

Tommy couldn’t stop smiling when he watched the small stage. The guitars were standing there, and Tommy felt a pull towards them. He wanted to play so badly. Still he was holding back. He wiped the tables clean and put the chairs up. He cleaned up behind the bar. Over and over again, his eyes wandered to the guitars and his fingers were twitching to touch them.

After he finished his work, he made sure the lights in the back were turned off and started towards the front door. But he just couldn’t leave without at least touching the instruments. He let his fingers trail over one of the guitars and he couldn’t resist taking it in his hands. It couldn’t harm anything if he played for one or two minutes. Maybe just a song…

So he sat down, took the guitar in his arms, and started to play. He played some notes and started with some riffs. He closed his eyes and let his hands lead him from one song to another.

The blues were taking him away from the real world into a dream land where Aiden was sitting in the audience. Aiden had always loved seeing Tommy play. He tried to go to every show Tommy and his band played. He told everyone that the extremely hot guitar player was his boyfriend. When the gigs were over, they would go back home to make love for hours. The music was always like a fire starter for a passionate night.

Tommy was pulled out of the memory by a sound at the front door. He opened his eyes and his jaw fell open. Adam was standing there watching him. He was as surprised as Tommy was. Tommy jumped up and laid the guitar back in its place.

“Sorry, I just couldn’t resist…”

Why was he even excusing himself to Adam?

Adam stepped closer, confusion all over his face. Tommy didn’t know where to look at. Damn, the guy was really gorgeous!

“What are you doing here, Adam? I closed the door earlier. I mean, the bar is already closed for tonight...”

Adam smiled and shrugged.

“Well, I could ask you the same, because this is my bar. But I guess Kim hired you?

Tommy nodded, almost unable to get a grip on himself. He cursed silently at the irony of the situation. Of all the possible things that could have happened, he had just jumped head on into Adam’s life when originally he hadn’t wanted to ever see him again. When he realized that he was even living with Adam’s ex, he had to sit down.

“Are you okay?”

Adam stepped closer to him, a look of concern in his eyes. Tommy nodded and almost snorted out loud. This was just too much. He was not even able to have an anonymous one night stand.

_Fucking perfect!_

“Will you tell me your name this time?”

Adam’s smirk had a mischievous undertone, and Tommy blushed slightly at the memory of their encounter. He blushed even more, realizing that he’d had sex with his boss.  But there was nothing he could change about it. And back then, he hadn’t been his boss…

“I’m Tommy Joe Ratliff.”

Adam smiled.

“Nice to meet you… _again_.”

Tommy cleared his throat to get over his embarrassment.

“Sorry about that… I mean, I couldn’t resist playing something tonight. It’s been a while…”

Adam stopped him by putting his hand up.

“It was good, and I don’t mind listening to good music coming out of my bar. It sounds like you have been playing for quite a long time?”

Tommy nodded.

“Yeah, I started playing when I was about 10 years old, and haven’t stopped since then. Well, I’ve had a break for a while now… My fingers were aching to play again, that’s why I couldn’t resist.”

Adam shrugged.

“I can totally relate to that. I love singing and I can’t live without it for more than a few days.”

He stepped closer to Tommy, a smile on his handsome face. Tommy was struggling to keep his hands to himself. He needed to get a better grip of that, now that Adam was his boss. That should be possible later, he was just surprised at the moment.

“If you like, I can give you a proper listen in the next few days. I have my regular musicians, but people like to have someone fresh at times. So maybe we can do something. Would you be interested?”

 “Sure, I am! I mean I’m not as amazing as the guys I’ve heard playing here the last few days, and I’m a bit out of practice, but I sure want to try.”

“As far as I heard, you are pretty great too. I wouldn’t offer to give you a chance if I thought you weren’t worth a try. I’m a bit picky about my musicians, you know?”

“Of course you are. You won’t regret it. Thank you!”

Tommy felt like the smile that was now breaking out on his face was the first real smile since… well, since Aiden died. Tommy swallowed hard. He could feel that the situation was getting awkward. Suddenly he just wanted to leave and hide in his bed.

“I will go now, I think. I cleaned everything up. I guess I will see you around?”

Adam nodded, and Tommy walked towards the door.

“You never called me.”

Adam’s voice stopped him. There was something in his voice that was hitting Tommy right in his chest. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath before he turned around slowly.

“Look, I know it makes me seem like an asshole, but I just wanted a fuck. I’m not in a place in my life where I could bear having any kind of relationship. I never thought we would meet again, let alone that I would work for you.”

Tommy stopped his rambling, realizing that the situation could cost him his job. Shit!

Adam looked at him, and Tommy thought that it might really be for the best if Adam fired him. That guy could become really dangerous for him. Something about Adam screamed of all the dreams he lost when Aiden died. It didn’t seem right to let this happen. Tommy needed to make sure he could get away.

“Well, we had a one night stand, so no need to apologize. I just had the feeling there was something between us. I don’t usually go around and give my phone number away.”

They stared at each other for a few moments more. Tommy wanted to run, and at the same time, he wanted to stay. He was confused and not ready for anything to happen between him and Adam now that sex only was off limits.

“See, Tommy, it’s late, and I’m tired. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Go get some sleep, and we can talk tomorrow.”

He gave Tommy a long look that made his face heat up. Then he turned away and walked towards the back. Tommy sighed and left the bar, locking the front door.

***

 

Tommy was nervous when he woke up the next morning. Adam would be in his life now, that was if he decided to stay in that town. Maybe it would be for the best to leave? 

Tommy turned around on his bed, facing the window. The sun was peeking into his room. He could hear the birds outside, but beside that, it was silent. Tommy felt bad thinking he would have to leave. He felt at home, even though he had just gotten there. He decided he should just wait and see how things would turn out with Adam.

He got up and walked into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He had pulled his boxer shorts on and didn’t bother with a shirt. Brad was cool about Tommy running around half naked, and Tommy wasn’t awake enough to look for something to wear anyway. He needed some coffee,   _badly_.

He walked towards the kitchen, and somehow he didn’t hear the voices coming from their living room. He just got himself a coffee and stepped out there, and almost dropped the cup; Adam was sitting on their couch in all his glory.

How could anyone look that hot at this early hour in the morning?

Adam was talking to Brad, but he stopped and looked at Tommy with wide eyes. Brad looked between them and grinned.

“I guess you already know Tommy, Adam?”

Adam nodded, still staring at Tommy. His eyes were now sliding down Tommy’s naked torso, and Tommy felt a blush creeping up his neck. He had never felt that naked and vulnerable before. It was like Adam was seeing through him.

_Fucking hell!_

Tommy took a sip from his coffee to buy some time. Then he waved at Adam and was about to go back into the kitchen when Brad stopped him.

“Tommy, come sit down. I was just telling Adam about that project I am starting next week…”

Tommy sighed and tried to find a reason to leave the room, but Brad was already up and pulling him towards the couch, towards Adam. And Adam didn’t find his voice; he just kept his gaze on Tommy’s body.  

Brad slapped Adam across his chest.

“Stop staring at Tommy, and listen to me!”

Adam looked at Brad with a frown. Tommy couldn’t help but smile. He sat down and watched the interaction between them. They clearly knew each other well. Brad was excited, and Adam listened to him, stealing brief glances at Tommy. Tommy didn’t know how to feel about it. It was almost too much, but still it felt good to be the center of Adam’s attention.

He couldn’t concentrate on anything that Brad was talking about. Of course Brad saw right through him, but he didn’t give Tommy a hard time about it. He just smirked and continued to talk to Adam. Tommy gave up listening to Brad at all. He just tried to concentrate on the coffee and his breathing. It was hard enough to get that right.

After a while, Tommy relaxed enough to let himself watch Adam. It was fun to listen to him. He was speaking with his whole body. His face was especially very expressive. And his hands… Tommy couldn’t stop watching Adam’s long fingers. A shudder ran through him when he remembered how those fingers had felt inside him.

He had to clear his throat, but in doing that, he caused Adam to look at him, and seriously, that guy should warn people around him. Those eyes were just too much.

Adam raised a brow, and Brad stopped talking. They both watched Tommy.

“Ahm, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I will go and put some clothes on…”

Adam got up.

“Tommy, I would like to have a few minutes with you, if you don’t mind…”

At Brad’s chuckle he added, “For a talk,” and gave Brad an evil stare.

Tommy nodded.

“Sure, I just really want to not be half naked for that. I will just…”

He pointed towards the kitchen and his room, which was somewhere in the back, and quickly walked away, feeling embarrassed as hell. Brad’s laughter followed him. It stopped only when Adam obviously punched Brad or something. The “ow” that followed didn’t have any heat at all.

Tommy hurried into his room and took a deep breath while he tried to calm down. He managed to put some decent pants and a shirt on. He hurried out again and was surprised that Brad was gone.

“Brad decided we should have the talk alone.”

Tommy looked at Adam with a frown on his face.

“I didn’t tell him anything… he just. Damn, he knows me. There was no way to hide that something had happened between us. But I didn’t give him any details.”

Tommy shrugged.

“Calm down. I don’t know Brad that well, but I can see that he can be pretty intense. It’s ok, I can deal with him.”

Adam let out a relieved sigh. He sat back into the couch and waited until Tommy sat down too.

“I’m glad we have a few minutes to talk before we see each other at the bar. I just wanted you to know that I respect your wish to not continue whatever we started that night.”

Tommy nodded, unable to say anything. His mouth felt dry and he was somehow sad that Adam had agreed so fast.

“I won’t say that I like it, because I really think this could be more. But I will respect your wish to not go there. I just hope we can still have some kind of friendship. I like you, Tommy. I want you to be able to stay around.”

Tommy looked down at his hands. He wished he could tell Adam what was going on in his life, but it would be too soon for that. He was not ready. It would open wounds that were not healed yet. He kept his gaze on his hands while he talked.

“I appreciate your concern. I can’t promise anything, but I want to try to be friends.”

He wanted to say more, maybe even admit that he liked Adam too, but he just couldn’t. He felt so raw. Adam had the ability to break him if he wanted, but maybe he could help Tommy to come back to life. Maybe Adam was the one to put his already broken pieces together again.

***

 

Adam stayed true to his words and backed off. Tommy was relieved about that, but also sad. It was weird. Mostly he was happy to be able to build a new life in Heaven. He liked rooming with Brad. Brad was sometimes a lot to take, especially when Tommy had his quiet days –when he remembered the good times with Aiden. Soon Brad seemed to sense when Tommy needed some distraction and when he really wanted to be left alone.

Tommy wanted to tell Brad his story, but he felt like it would feel too real for him to take. Brad knew that there was something going on with Tommy, but he didn’t push.

Tommy needed time to heal and he took it. Somehow it just seemed like he didn’t get the closure with Aiden he badly needed; like he needed to remind himself over and over again that Aiden’s death wasn’t just a bad dream.

Tommy almost forgot about Adam’s offer to play for him. It was a surprise when about two weeks after their talk, Adam called him to come earlier to the bar for an audition. Tommy was nervous, but he wanted to play, and he wanted someone to sing along with his guitar.

When he arrived at the bar, Adam was waiting there for him with Jasper, one of the musicians. Tommy walked on the stage and pulled the guitar into his lap. He looked at Adam.

“Any request for what I should play?”

Adam smiled and looked at Jasper.

“Well, if you don’t mind, I would like to hear some rock. I want to have different genres here, and I think you could fill that one well.”

Tommy nodded.

“I’m fine with that. What do you want to hear?”

Adam grinned, and Tommy could swear he saw a small blush on Adam’s face. _Interesting…_

“I would like to hear 20th Century Boy. I love that song, and I miss hearing it live. Can you play it?”

Tommy smiled when he started to stroke over the strings. Then he got lost in the music, and his fingers were playing some crazy riffs. He was startled when Adam started to sing, and his voice melted together with his guitar into something unique. They jammed for a while, Adam playing with his voice, leaving Tommy speechless. Jasper laughed and clapped, then joined in, drumming on some small drums. It was glorious. The song didn’t have anything in common with 20th Century Boy anymore. It was something new and wild, something real.  

When Tommy’s shift started and they had to stop, Jasper clapped Tommy’s shoulder, and Adam winked at him.

“I’d say we need to do that again! And I want you to play in the bar.”

Tommy smiled happily while he prepared the bar for the evening. He was definitely at home here. Heaven had won him over. He was not yet ready to admit, that Adam had won him over too.

***

 

After a while, Tommy’s set was a regular gig at the bar. Jasper and Adam joined him and sometimes so did other musicians. It was usually in the afternoons, and Tommy enjoyed experimenting with different music. After a few weeks, he had an audience of people who actually came to see him. It was good to be a musician again. It felt like a lost part of himhad come back to life.

Adam didn’t try a move on Tommy again. Tommy could still see the lust burning in Adam’s eyes at times. Sometimes he saw something else. And sometimes he was even able to admit to himself that he wanted Adam to try a move on him. Maybe it was time to move on…

***

 

The bar was closed, and Tommy was cleaning up. Adam came out of his office.

“Coffee?”

Tommy nodded. It was after midnight, but he didn’t see himself going to sleep yet. The music was amazing that night, and Tommy had been playing for a while with the guys. He felt alive and happier than he had in ages.

Adam brought them coffee and set it down beside Tommy on a small table. Tommy took a sip and let his fingers run over the strings again. It was slow and tender, just the right kind of music for a late evening. Adam sat down beside him and started humming to the notes. It wasn’t really a song, just some notes running around them. It felt amazing to be able to do that. Tommy was still amazed how well Adam’s voice was working with his music. It was like his guitar and Adam’s voice were making love to each other.

After a while, the music came to an end. They smiled at each other, and Tommy got up, set his guitar down, and stretched his arms over his head. He felt the electricity around them and wanted to get out before something happened.

“I think maybe we should call it a night. I’m sure you are tired.”

Adam shook his head, drinking the last bit of his now cold coffee.

“Actually, I wanted to ask you something.”

Tommy looked at him, trying to read Adam’s mind. A frown was starting to build on his face.

“It’s not that. I wanted to talk about music.”

Tommy blushed.

“Sorry. You are very respectful towards me, and I’m very thankful for that.”

Adam nodded and smiled.

“I try my best.”

He looked down for a second, trying to hide his own embarrassment. Then he cleared his throat.

“See Tommy, we do a small event once a year to collect money for a charity. We decide each year which cause to support and then donate the money we earn during a weekend of special performances to that charity.”

“That’s great, man! Can I help you with that?”

Adam smiled at him, excitement suddenly written all over his face.

“This year we want to support a movement against bullying at schools. It’s a personal interest of mine, because I suffered through bullying myself. I was lucky enough to find support at my school back then. The project we will support this year is giving money to schools to support the LGBT youth. I think it’s an important and good cause.”

Tommy nodded. He couldn’t stop thinking about the hate against him and Aiden that had changed his life so brutally.

“So, I want to perform some songs myself, and I want to sing something while you accompany me on your guitar. It should be stripped down, very quiet, emotional and raw. I have been looking for a song for weeks and I think I found something that would work perfectly with your guitar.”

Tommy smiled at the joy in Adam’s voice. It was touching to see how much music meant to Adam. No wonder they clicked right away. Adam was amazing, and he was able to pull Tommy out of his sadness and hurt, even if he didn’t know that he was doing that.

“So, what song did you have in mind?”

Adam straightened at that and announced a song, which made Tommy’s blood freeze in his veins. 

“I think Eric Clapton’s ‘Wonderful Tonight’ would be amazing to sing.”

Tommy’s breath was caught in his throat. Aiden’s dead eyes were suddenly in front of him, and the loss was hurting again like everything had just happened minutes and not over a year ago. Tommy didn’t even notice when he gasped, a cold feeling creeping up until he felt like choking.

Suddenly Adam was close to him, his eyes right in front of him. His lips were moving, but Tommy couldn’t hear anything over the blood rushing in his ears, almost screaming at him. A panic attack was taking over, and Tommy almost fell to the ground, but Adam broke the spell when he laid his hands on Tommy’s cheeks and locked their gazes.

“Tommy, calm down! Take a deep breath, breathe with me, Baby. Come on, just breathe, in and out, in and out…”

Tommy concentrated on Adam’s voice, trying to ignore the warm, tingling feeling he got, when Adam called him “Baby”. He started to breathe with Adam – and finally he calmed down enough to catch his breath. Adam sat him down on the couch and got a glass of water. Tommy drank it in small sips. Slowly embarrassment was building in him. He tried to hide behind his hands, but Adam was not having that. He took Tommy’s hands in his and squeezed them.

“What happened to you, Tommy? It seemed like you had a panic attack. I was seriously worried.”

Tommy looked down.

“I’m sorry. I scared you. I’m alright now, thank you.”

Tommy should have known by now that he wouldn’t get away with that. Adam took his chin between his fingers and forced Tommy to look up again.

“Please, tell me what happened. Tell me, who is Aiden, and what did he do?”

Tommy looked at Adam in surprise. His voice was shaking.

“How do you know his name?”

Adam smiled a sad smile.

“You were saying his name over and over again until you lost your breath.”

Tommy could feel color draining from his face. He didn’t remember doing that. Damn, he had really gone away for a while.

“Tommy?”

Tommy sighed.

“Aiden was…” he swallowed hard, “he was my life.”

Tommy looked up at Adam. His interest seemed so true that Tommy felt like he could, no, like he needed to open up and tell Adam what happened.

“Aiden is dead. I lost him about a year ago. It’s a long story, and there is no happy ending at all.”

Adam squeezed Tommy’s hand again and looked into Tommy’s eyes.

“Tell me your story, Tommy. I have time, and I have the feeling you need to tell the story.”

Tommy looked at Adam for several moments in silence. Finally he nodded.

“It was Aiden’s song. I played it when he was able to come to our gigs. It was always the last song. Aiden joked how cliché the words were, but he loved every second of that song.”

Tommy smiled at the memory of Aiden’s happy face.

“Sometimes I forget that he died. Sometimes I hope I can wake up beside him and see him alive. He was so full of life and light, always making me smile, right from the moment we met…”

_Flashback_

_Tommy was annoyed. Everything was just going wrong. The whole festival was a mess. First, they arrived too late, because of traffic. Then the sound check was like a living hell. Everything was totally off. Jerry’s voice was on and off during the sound check, and there was not much hoping that it would get better later in the evening. Finally, one of Tommy’s guitar’s strings broke,  and he didn’t have substitutes to replace it. It was like they were cursed!_

_Tommy was walking through the band area, looking for someone to ask for a guitar string. He was sweating in the midday sun and silently cursing the universe for doing that to him. When he came around the corner of a tent, he collided with a guy._

_“Fuck! Can’t you open your eyes while walking around? You almost spilled my beer.”_

_The bearded guy in front of him seemed really angry._

_“Sorry, man!”_

_“Come on Steve; don’t play the bad, big bear. You didn’t see him, he didn’t see you… nothing happened, calm down!”_

_Tommy turned slowly to the voice that wrapped itself like velvet around his mind. When he finally saw the guy the voice belonged to, he swallowed hard. The guy was gorgeous! He had the greenest eyes Tommy ever had seen before. Dirty blond hair framed the beautiful face, and Tommy let his eyes wander down the long, lean body. Damn, that was a nice piece of a man!_

_When Tommy’s eyes returned to the man’s face, the smirk in that face almost undid him._

_“Hi! I’m Aiden, and this is Steve. He is a friend of mine… just a friend…”_

_The smirk was growing, and Tommy smiled boldly back._

_“Well… that is sad for Steve, I guess.”_

_Steve chuckled in the background and slapped Aiden’s shoulder before he walked off. Tommy and Aiden stared at each other, their smiles growing until Tommy’s phone went off. He looked down at it and closed his eyes briefly before he looked back at Aiden._

_“I have to go back to our gig. Do you know where I can find guitar strings?”_

_Aiden nodded and took Tommy’s hand to pull him closer._

_“I know where you can find them. I also know that I can’t just let you walk out of  my life again.”_

_Tommy grinned and rolled his eyes._

_“That was a bit too melodramatic, don’t you think?”_

_Aiden shrugged._

_“A man’s gotta try?”_

_Tommy laughed out loud and shook his head. They were very close now, and he rubbed his nose against Aiden’s._

_“Take me to the guitar strings, and you can meet me after my gig later? But I gotta warn you; I’m not easy to get, not at all.”_

_Aiden grinned at him._

_“Deal!”_

Tommy smiled at the memory of their meeting. He looked at Adam and saw that he too had a soft smile on his face.

“It was actually a big chance that we met. Aiden was only there because his sister was dating Steve at that point. Steve was the drummer in a band, I can’t remember the name though. Well, we exchanged numbers, and we met later that night.”

Adam moved closer to Tommy and grinned.

“And were you not easy to get? Did you let him fight to get you?”

Tommy smiled shyly back at Adam, a blush rousing his cheeks.

“I don’t kiss and tell!”

Adam laughed.

“Oh, you so did put out that night, didn’t you?”

Tommy threw a cushion against him, and Adam laughed louder. Tommy shook his head.

“Stop laughing at me! I was… I did… well, yeah, we ended up in bed that night. But it was hours after we talked with each other and after we technically already knew each other.”

Tommy’s smile deepened, and then it went away, just like someone turned it off.

“He was so perfect; I couldn’t let him slip through my fingers.”

Adam moved closer and pulled him in his arms. He hugged him for a while. Then he moved back and looked at Tommy.

“You were happy with him, weren’t you?”

Tommy nodded, tears threating to push into his eyes.

“And you loved each other?”

Another nod followed.

“You are telling me a love story about two people who loved each other. This is a rare thing. You found each other. This is great, Tommy. Who says that every love story needs a happy ending to be a great one?”

Tommy closed his eyes, tears slipping down his cheeks slowly.

“I just wanted MY story to have one, and it’s hard to get over it. I know I should be happy about what we had; still, I can’t feel anything but regret about what we couldn’t have. I can’t stop thinking what could have been, and I can’t stop hating the universe for taking that away from me. Maybe if it had come to a natural end, I would feel how great it was. Maybe I would be just grateful. But it was taken away from me. HE was taken away from me. I can’t call my love story a great one, because it was not finished. I was not ready to say goodbye, and neither was Aiden. “

Tommy cried silently for a while, and Adam held his hand through it. Tommy was surprised how good it felt to talk about it. He felt good and somehow relieved. Maybe it was time to let go of some things. It was probably time to let go of the grief. It felt like Adam could be the one to help him take the right steps.

After a while, Adam stroked over Tommy’s wet cheeks.

“Will you tell me what happened?”

Tommy sighed, but nodded. He needed to tell Adam the rest.

“The first months with Aiden were amazing. We had a long-distance relationship first. We managed to meet every weekend and got to know each other. First, I was really thinking, it was just amazing sex, but there was more right from the start. I fell in love, and he loved me too…”

_Flashback_

_Waking up to fingers dancing on his skin was something Tommy never imagined he’d to like. But there he was, smiling while his eyes refused to open. Aiden’s fingers were stepping on his chest, slowly teasing his body awake. After a while, moist, soft lips followed the tracks of his fingers. Tommy sighed, and his back was arching, moving his body toward Aiden. He moaned loudly when Aiden’s lips closed around his nipple._

_“Morning, Love…”_

_Tommy smiled, and his eyes flew open at the endearment. Aiden grinned down at him._

_“What?”_

_Tommy whispered. Aiden let his fingers trace along Tommy’s cheek bones. His lips came closer until they briefly touched Tommy’s. Tommy’s heart started to beat faster, and there was a strange feeling in his stomach, like someone hat put some butterflies in there…_

_“You heard me. Don’t act that surprised, Tommy. You are an amazing guy. Your humor is wicked, and you have a big heart. It doesn’t hurt that you are hot too. So, don’t blame me for falling for you.”_

_Tommy gulped, his eyes growing wider._

_“But… you are the amazing one here. I’m just… just me.”_

_Aiden kissed him softly, his tongue tracing along Tommy’s lips. He nibbled at the corner of Tommy’s mouth before he pulled a bit away. He was holding Tommy’s face in his hands and looked deep into Tommy’s eyes._

_“You are everything to me. Don’t you understand that?”_

_Tommy shook his head, trying hard to keep his eyes open, overwhelmed with emotions. He couldn’t believe that this amazing man wanted him. He smiled back at Aiden, a shaky hand reaching out to cup Aiden’s face. His voice was soft when he was able to speak again._

_“You are everything to me, too.”_

_They smiled and kissed then, their tongues starting a slow dance that soon turned into a battle and ended when mutual orgasms took their breaths away a while later…_

Tommy blushed at the memory, and even though he didn’t tell Adam about what had just played back in his head, Adam’s knowing look told him that he could clearly imagine it.

“Things got bad when I was visiting Aiden for a few weeks. I didn’t know much about his family. Aiden just told me that they weren’t very accepting of him being gay. Looking back, I know that he was still hoping they would come around. I guess he was not really able to imagine what they would be capable of…”

_Flashback_

_“Hi, Aiden!”_

_Tommy could see how tense Aiden became when the man approached them. They were sitting on Aiden’s terrace having  lunch when suddenly, the man stepped into Aiden’s garden._

_“Garry, what are you doing here?”_

_Tommy could hear Aiden’s anger and confusion. He moved closer to his boyfriend and took his hand. That earned him a snort coming from Garry._

_“I see the rumors were right, then. You got yourself a fancy boyfriend.”_

_His voice was laced with so much hate; Tommy tried to keep himself from shaking. Who was that guy, and why did he care? And why did Aiden react that much to him? What was going on?_

_Before Tommy had the chance to say anything, Aiden got up and looked at Garry._

_“I didn’t invite you to come here and offend me and my partner. If you have anything to say from my father, then shoot. Otherwise, leave and don’t dare to come back without me inviting you.”_

_Garry’s smile turned into an evil smirk. He and Aiden were staring at each other. Tommy got up and cleared his throat._

_“You heard him.”_

_Garry turned to Tommy and looked him up and down, clearly showing his disgust. Then he turned back at Aiden._

_“Your father told you that he won’t accept you having a man around you. You should know by now what the price is if you don’t obey him. My visit today is the last warning. You know what will happen if you continue that sinful life.”_

_Aiden didn’t react first. Tommy was looking between the two of them. He could feel the anger building in Aiden and decided it was Aiden’s battle. He squeezed Aiden’s hand to let him know that he was by his side._

_“Garry, tell my father that I made my decision a long time ago. He won’t direct my life choices anymore.”_

_Garry looked between Tommy and Aiden, his facial expression now serious._

_“So, you choose him over your family?”_

_“My family rejected me a while ago, way before I met Tommy. But if this is the question my father wants to ask, tell him that yes, I chose Tommy over them. I always will.”_

_Garry nodded then._

_“I guess you know then what that means? Don’t wait too long.”_

_Garry walked away, slamming the garden gate behind him._

_Aiden started to shake then and sat down. His hand covered his mouth as heavy sobs shook his body. Tommy got down on his knees and looked at his boyfriend with concern._

_“Aiden, tell me, what does this mean?”_

_Aiden couldn’t stop shaking. Unable to talk he just grabbed Tommy. Tommy hugged him, stroking over his back, until Aiden calmed down. He kept his face against Tommy’s shoulder, when he started to talk._

_“My family hates the lifestyle I’m living. And when I say they hate it, it means they would rather see me dead than gay.”_

_He looked up at Tommy, pain visible in his eyes. Tommy’s eyes went wide, and he swallowed hard._

_“What does that mean? They want to see you dead?”_

_“Exactly this, they will kill me. I can only stay safe when I decide to be ‘normal’ again, or if I for away. They won’t let me live here anymore….”_

_Tommy pushed Aiden away enough to take a good look at his face. His voice was breaking when he spoke to Aiden._

_“What? You can’t be serious!”_

_Aiden just nodded, fresh tears running down his face. All Tommy could do was hold him and wait until Aiden was ready to tell him more. He was shocked when Aiden finally told him that his father was involved in a radical church group – which was massively and openly fighting against homosexuals. When Aiden came out, it had been on accident. His father had caught him making out with his former boyfriend. Back then, Aiden was only seventeen and his boyfriend was so scared, he dumped Aiden, and never came back. Aiden found out later that his father had  threatened to destroy Scot’s family’s lives, if they wouldn’t leave town._

_Aiden’s family was rich, and they had the power to destroy other people’s careers and lives. They had connections in every possible business._

_“Do you really think they would kill you?”_

_Aiden shrugged._

_“I don’t know for sure. A part of me doesn’t believe they would. I’m a part of them, their blood. But I’m really not sure. I haven’t had have any relationships in a while. My last boyfriend left me two years ago, after my father paid him enough money to start a new life somewhere else. He said he was not ready to give up his life to be with me. The price would be too high…”_

_Aiden stopped and looked away. Tommy’s heart was breaking for him. He took Aiden’s face in his hands and forced him to look at him._

_“Aiden, I love you. I won’t leave you.”_

_Aiden was sobbing at that, clinging to Tommy. Tommy pulled him in his arms again._

_“I guess we should leave, then? We could go to Burbank and build our life there. What do you think?”_

_Aiden looked at Tommy. For a long time, he just looked into Tommy’s eyes. He was searching for something there, his face unreadable. Then he nodded slowly and kissed Tommy softly._

_“Thank you, Love. Yes, I think we should leave. They’ll get what they want. I’ll be gone.”_

_They packed their stuff together in just a few days. Aiden was nervous the whole time. He was expecting his family to send someone to hurt them. They barely left the house. Aiden decided to sell it once they arrived in Burbank. Tommy had a condo in Burbank where they could stay until everything was sold and Aiden could find another house._

“When we came to Burbank, everything seemed to get better. We found a house for Aiden to buy. We had a fight about me living in his house, but after we agreed to split the bills, I could bear to live there.”

Tommy smiled at Adam. Memories of the first happy months in Burbank were playing in his head.

“I introduced him to my friends, but he soon found new people. He was easy like that, and everybody loved him. Everything seemed good and calm. But it was just an illusion. Aiden’s father was already planning to hurt us, to kill him. I found it out a lot later. Aiden kept the threats he got away from me. He didn’t want me to worry or to tell him to go back. As if I would have ever been able to let him go.”

Tommy’s lips curled into a sad smile. It was still hard to understand why Aiden never told him about the phone calls he got or about the visit Garry made only days before Aiden was killed. Tommy sometimes blamed himself for not suspecting anything. Maybe if he had seen the signs, he would have been able to save Aiden.

“Then they really came and took him away from me forever…”

Adam pulled Tommy into his lap and let Tommy rest his head on his chest while Tommy told him about the night Aiden was killed. They cried together afterwards. Adam kissed Tommy’s head and stroked his back. Tommy felt so safe in Adam’s arms that he never wanted to leave.

“What happened to you after Aiden was dead?”

Tommy sighed deeply, the dark memories coming back to his thoughts.

“The first few weeks I was like paralyzed. Nothing made sense anymore. Aiden was gone, and they made it seem like I had killed him. My friends and family tried to make me fight, but I was so lost, I didn’t have the power. Besides, nobody would have believed me. Garry managed the case. He was pulling every string he could, to make them believe I only got together with Aiden to live off his money. He convinced them, that I killed him because he wanted to leave me to live with a woman.”

Tommy shook his head. He looked at Adam who was listening to him and watching him like he was the most important person in the world. Tommy looked away, gathering his memories to tell Adam the rest.

“Tommy, you don’t need to tell me everything, if you don’t want to…”

Tommy cupped Adam’s face and looked deep into Adam’s eyes. He saw admiration and true interest in them. He whispered softly, “I want to tell you…” before he took a deep breath and stepped back into a time period that was luckily behind him.

_Flashback_

_“Ratliff! You have visitors, move your ass!”_

_Tommy sighed and rolled his eyes. When he looked at the guard, the man smiled. Tommy was taken aback. Nobody had been ever particularly friendly to him ever the last eight months he had been here. He didn’t have trouble, and they treated him okay, but a smile was something new to see._

_“Come on! I bet you will be surprised to see who came to see you. Some people out there still care for you; not that you give them a lot of reasons to.”_

_Tommy snorted and got up from his pallet. He wasn’t really in the mood to see anyone. There was no point in keeping connections when he would stay in jail for the rest of his life._

_“Who is it?”_

_Another smile from the guard made Tommy curious. He didn’t say anything, but now Tommy wanted to know who had come to see him. The guard put cuffs on his wrists, and they walked towards the visitor’s room, following along some hallways. Tommy was lucky because he was in a single cell. That was the procedure in that jail until his trial was over. Later he would be together with at least one other prisoner._

_When they came to the visitor area, Tommy was led into a small room. The guard took his cuffs off and told him to sit and wait. Tommy got nervous while waiting. He couldn’t imagine who would come during the week for a visit. Usually his friends and family visited on the weekends._

_The door opened and a woman about Tommy’s age came on. Tommy looked up in surprise because he had no clue who she might be. They had been left alone, so he assumed she came from the police or maybe from the prosecutor. He already felt annoyed with her._

_“I don’t have anything new to say!”_

_She set her briefcase on the stool opposite from him, smiled, and offered him her hand._

_“Mr. Ratliff, nice to meet you! I’m Casey Knight. I was asked to be your lawyer and get you out of here.”_

_Tommy took her hand, but snorted._

_“That must be a mistake, Miss Knight. I already have a lawyer who doesn’t give a damn about me. I don’t have money for a real lawyer.”_

_Casey smiled._

_“Please, call me Casey. Don’t you worry about my payment I already got it covered.”_

_Tommy raised his eyebrows._

_“I don’t understand… who paid you?”_

_Casey shook her head._

_“I’m not allowed to say. The person who is helping you has chosen to stay anonymous. But I can assure you it’s legal, and they are doing it for good reasons.”_

_Tommy stared at her. He didn’t get why or who would do that. It was ridiculous. He tried to think of who could be paying Casey. From her look, she was a lawyer who was earning really good money. There was no way someone from his family or friends could have paid her._

_“I don’t know what to think about it. I just don’t want to owe someone for hiring you.”_

_Casey smiled at him while she sat down._

_“You don’t owe anyone anything. They pay it without expecting anything. You still have to agree to hire me. That’s why I’m here. I want to convince you to fight for your freedom, for your life. There are people out there, waiting for you, Mr. Ratliff.”_

_“Please call me Tommy. I’m just… surprised, I think. There is someone out there who doesn’t know me, who pays you to help me? Why would they?”_

_“Because sometimes the truth needs some help to be heard over all the lies.”_

_Tommy could feel tears pushing in his eyes. Someone believed in him. Someone wanted to help him. But still…_

_“Tommy, I talked to your friends and your family. There are some people, who want to talk to you, to convince you. You need to know that you are loved and needed.”_

_Tommy nodded at her. In theory he knew that all. But he felt like he was a disappointment to his family and his friends. They had to suffer because of him. It was not right._

_“I have something for you from your sister. She is here too. You can talk to her later. But I think, you should see this first.”_

_She pushed a picture toward him. On that picture was his niece Bridget. He felt tears forming in his eyes. He missed her badly._

_“She misses her uncle. She said when you come back, she will have a party for you.”_

_Tommy started to cry. It was too much to take. Casey patted his arm._

_“I thin, I will tell you what I found out and what I think we should do, to get you out of here.”_

_Tommy nodded and took a tissue from Casey to wipe his eyes. He listened to Casey’s explanations about the legal side of his trial. Then she opened a folder and showed him some pictures with men he didn’t know. She told him that she had hired a detective to find out who the men were. Some neighbors had seen them around Aiden’s house a few days before Aiden was killed. Casey thought there might be a connection between them and Aiden’s family._

_Tommy looked up at her._

_“How do you know about them? Police didn’t investigate against them. When I told them about Aiden’s father, they didn’t seem to believe me. Maybe it was because Garry blocked everything.”_

_Casey nodded._

_“Honestly Tommy, I don’t understand why the police let Garry intervene in the investigation at all. He was not responsible. Some very strange things happened on your case, and I will try my best to put everything in the right place. Of course, that will only happen if you let me.”_

_Tommy sighed. He wanted to, for Bridget, for his sister, maybe even for him. He also had the feeling that he should do it for Aiden. Aiden deserved for people to know what happened to him. It seemed Tommy’s duty to tell them. But who was the person who was paying Casey? Why did he get that gift now, after everything else had gone so badly?_

_He was struggling with himself, not sure he should, or could accept a gift from a stranger. Casey watched him intensely. He didn’t mind her doing that, and that was really weird. He didn’t know her at all, but still he felt like he should be able and willing to trust her._

_“Maybe you should talk to someone you trust to see that they trust me. Would that be helpful?”_

_Tommy blushed and nodded. Casey smiled at him and then she got up and walked out the door. She came back with a guard and with Lisa and Sutan. Tommy felt tears pushing in his eyes. He missed them both so much. The guard sat down in a chair, watching them, while Casey excused herself. She would be back in a few minutes to talk to Tommy some more._

_Tommy wanted to hug his sister and Sutan so badly, but it was not allowed. So they sat down together. Tommy stretched his hands out to touch them, then remembered the guard and looked at him. It was the same guard who had taken him there from his cell. He nodded slightly, and Tommy sighed in relief when he took his sister’s and his friend’s hands in his._

_“Tommy, please, let Casey help you, please!”_

_His sister was pleading. He looked at Sutan. His friend was very touched too, but it seemed like he could still talk to him reasonably._

_“What do you think, Sutan?”_

_Sutan shrugged._

_“I’m not sure what I think about a stranger paying a great lawyer to get you out of here. She assured us that everything is alright with the offer and that it’s completely legal. You don’t have to fear you owe someone anything afterwards. So I’m going to be very selfish here and just say: Please, Tommy, let her help you! I feel like you can trust her, like WE can trust her. And I feel that Aiden would want you to let her help you get out of here.”_

_Tommy nodded and wiped his eyes._

_“You know, when I agree to this, I will need your support for the fight ahead of me?”_

_They both nodded and smiled. Lisa took his hand back into hers._

_“Tommy, we would do anything for you. I love you, and I want you back with us.”_

_Sutan nodded at Tommy. Tommy smiled at them, hope slowly coming up in him. He was not ready to let it burst out of him. It was too soon for that. But it seemed like he had a chance again._

_He signed the papers for Casey, and she promised him she’d come back with news in a week. He took a deep breath, and she smiled at him, patting his shoulder and promising to do her best for him._

_Later when he was lying in his bed, right before he fell asleep, he saw Aiden’s face in front of him. But for the first time since that awful night, Aiden wasn’t dead. He was alive and smiled shyly at Tommy. Tommy drifted off in a dreamless sleep._

Tommy took a long sip of water before he started talking again. Adam watched him with a sincere interest. Tommy couldn’t understand why it was so important and so good to share his story with Adam, but he felt an urge to do it.

“After I agreed, Casey hired detectives to find out the truth. It took a while, but finally they found out what happened…”

_Flashback_

_Tommy met with Casey regularly over the next weeks. They worked details out and talked about a strategy for the trial. The detective was looking for information and connections between Aiden’s death and his family. Finally the trial started and Tommy was brought to the court house._

_The first day was really hard. Tommy had to listen and watch people talking about Aiden’s death. They showed pictures of Aiden’s dead body and talked in detail about the injuries. Tommy had to fight hard to keep calm. The sight of Aiden’s beaten face was pulling at his heart. It was like it happened just a day and not months ago. He had to wipe tears away. Casey was doing a great job, and eventually he was able to relax._

_At the end of the first day, people seemed to think he was guilty. When he was led out to the car taking him back to jail, Aiden’s father and mother were watching him. The coldness and hate in their eyes were so clear to see, it almost took his breath away._

_Finally a few days later, Casey started to bring new evidence into the trial. She proved that Garry had sabotaged parts of the investigation. The judge questioned him about his connection to Aiden’s family. Garry was making his own work not reliable because he couldn’t really explain his connections to Aiden’s family. It was getting more and more suspicious, because there was no reason for him to take the investigation over as he had done.  Finally the judge decided to pull most of the evidence Garry found against Tommy out of the trial. Some of the evidence was clearly falsified._

_Suddenly the media jumped on the case, and Tommy found himself standing in front of at least twenty journalist, when he came to court one day. At some point, Aiden’s parents didn’t come anymore. It must have been at the time when Casey started a motion to take evidence of what the detective she hired had found out. After some arguing with the prosecutor, the judge admitted the evidence._

_Tommy couldn’t sleep the night before the detective’s hearing. Everything could change with his testimony. He could get out of jail!_

_And then?_

_There was no place for him to go. The house he had lived in with Aiden now belonged to Aiden’s family. Sutan had promised to get rid of Tommy’s stuff. Everything he once had and shared with Aiden was lost. He would have to start a completely new life. It scared him and excited him even more._

_But first, he had to get through the rest of the trial, especially through the next day._

Adam was listening to Tommy, while his hands stroked over Tommy’s arms and back. He kept the physical contact between them. It was comforting. Tommy couldn’t help himself from leaning against Adam’s side while he was speaking. The memory of the worst days of his life was still vivid. The hurt was almost touchable again. Adam sensed it somehow, and put his arm around Tommy’s shoulder, keeping him close, warming him with his body.

Tommy sighed and took a deep breath in order to finish his story.

_Flashback_

_Tommy was nervous beyond belief. He could barely keep still while he waited for the car to bring him to the court. The guard who had started being friendly to him, Peter, was the driver this time. There were two other guards with him, like they still believed he was a dangerous man, but these were the rules; it wasn’t anything personal._

_When they arrived at the court, he shivered in anticipation. The guards guided him to the court room and then left. Peter squeezed his shoulder and wished him “good luck”. Then the most important trial day started._

_The detective presenting the new evidence was about fifty years old. His name was Stan Miller. He somehow reminded Tommy of Bill Clinton, but he was bulkier and taller. He looked at Tommy with a small smile before he sat down. The jury watched him intensely while he told them what he had found out._

_He told them how he found out that the men seen in Tommy’s neighborhood were connected to the church Aiden’s father was a member of. The men had offered their help to Aiden’s father, when he had told them that the devil had possessed his son and made him gay. The men watched Tommy and Aiden for weeks and learned their habits. Sometimes Garry watched with them. They knew where Aiden and Tommy worked. Stan found out that they went to some of the shows Tommy had with his band. The men invaded almost every part of their life and knew exactly when Aiden would be alone._

_The most shocking part was that obviously Aiden’s parents wanted his death. They couldn’t live with the fact that he was gay. Since he had come out to them, they had tried everything to “turn him normal” again. Aiden was old enough to avoid being sent to a church camp. Still, there were a lot of talks about his sinful life. His parents invited priests and socalled therapists to their private parties and family events._

_Before Aiden got together with Tommy, he had never had a long relationship. There were some men he had been involved with, but nothing as serious as his relationship with Tommy. After Aiden’s parents found out that Aiden and Tommy were going strong, they gave up and accepted that they couldn’t save him. They decided that God should take care of him._

_At the same time, Aiden’s father wanted to make sure that Tommy got his punishment in this life. That’s why they decided to kill Aiden and make it seem like it was Tommy who killed him. That was where Garry got really deeply involved. He faked the evidence and made the police believe that Tommy was only after Aiden’s money. It had to look like Tommy killed him because Aiden had finally found his way back to the normal lifestyle and wanted to marry a woman. Garry paid a woman from the church to testify that Aiden wanted to marry her. It was all planned out._

_Aiden’s father was there when the men from the church killed Aiden. He watched his own son’s murder. He even helped put Aiden in bed. He was the one who knocked Tommy down when he came back._

_The jury and the audience were shocked about the revelations. Tommy still had to stay imprisoned until the trial was officially over, but there was no doubt that he was innocent. The police couldn’t arrest Aiden’s parents anymore, because as soon as they heard what happened, they killed themselves. But Garry and his helpers were arrested._

Tommy looked down when he finished telling the story. When he looked up, he saw Adam’s shock in his eyes.

“Wow, what a story! I’m seriously shocked about Aiden’s parents. They had someone kill their child just because he was gay.”

Adam was shaking his head. Tommy looked at him with deep sadness in his eyes.

“I think they truly believed that he was lost. In their way, they thought they were fulfilling God’s will on Earth. It was in a sick way their way to protect him, I guess.”

Adam looked at Tommy with amazement.

“How can you not hate them?”

Tommy took the last sip from his water and shrugged.

“It wouldn’t change anything, and it would just make me bitter. Besides, I don’t want them to have any power over my life anymore. If I still hated them, they would stay a part of my life, and they don’t deserve that.”

Adam looked at Tommy with admiration in his eyes.

“I’ve never met anyone like you in my life. You are amazing in every way.

Tommy blushed, but kept his eyes locked with Adam’s. There was so much understanding between them. Tommy was grateful that he was able to talk things out.

“Thank you for listening to me. I guess I really needed that.”

“Thank you for sharing your story with me. I can’t imagine how lost you must have been. You seem so strong now, but I’m sure it was a long way to get there.”

Tommy smiled.

“Actually, I’m not completely there. I have still nights when I wake up from nightmares. But it’s getting better, day by day.”

Adam stroked over Tommy’s arm, deep in thought. Tommy watched him. Adam was so important to him. It was good that he had found it in him to tell Adam the story. Adam looked into Tommy’s eyes, making him gasp. He took Tommy’s hand and kissed his palm.

“Do you think you will be able to be with someone again? I mean, at some point in the future?”

The shyness in Adam’s voice made Tommy’s heart flutter. He shrugged, looking down at his hand, which was still in Adam’s. When he was able to say something, it was just a whisper.

“I hope so. I don’t want to stay alone forever. I want to love and be loved, but I’m scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“I’m scared I will forget him when I fall for someone new; that he will fade away like a dream when you wake up in the morning. It’s still there for a few minutes, but then it’s gone, before you can grab it. I don’t want his memory to die like he did, you know?”

Adam nodded. They kept silent for a moment, before Adam was able to say something.

“I don’t think that it’s possible for you to forget about him, about your love. I watched your face when you talked about how you two met and about the happy days you had. This love won’t die, Tommy. It will stay in your heart. I guess you will just have to find a way to let another love be there beside him.”

Tommy looked at Adam, tears forming again in his eyes. It was sometimes so hard to remember Aiden. Adam got closer again and pulled Tommy in a hug. He stroked over Tommy’s back.

“Did you have a chance to say your goodbyes?”

Tommy shook his head.

“No, not really. I had a symbolic goodbye on the beach with a bonfire, just for me and him. But I wasn’t allowed to attend his funeral, obviously. His family brought him back to their land. They lived on a ranch close to Dallas. I don’t even know where exactly he was buried.”

“You should find out and visit his grave. Maybe that will be the closure you need to move on.”

Tommy swallowed around the sadness he felt again. His voice was just above a whisper.

“Maybe I should. But I think maybe I’m afraid that then I’ll have to accept that there is really no future with Aiden for me anymore. I mean, I know that he is dead, but seeing it would… I don’t know…”

He stopped talking and looked at Adam.

“Yes, it would make it real, but it would make it possible for you to move on. You could be happy again, Tommy.”

Tommy sighed and let his head fall back against the couch.

“I don’t know if I’m able to be happy at all. I think I might have forgotten, how to do it.”

Adam pulled Tommy toward him and onto his lap. Tommy’s breath was caught in his throat. This was too close, too much, too good… Adam put his hand on Tommy’s nape and stroked into his hair. His voice was soft and tender when he spoke again.

“I don’t think you forgot how it is to be happy. You just need to find a way out of your sadness. People can get used to a lot of things. Sometimes we even get used to being sad and miserable. It can get comfortable, in a weird way. We get used to it to a point that we can’t imagine how it is to be happy. The idea becomes so unusual; it scares us, because when you decide to leave the sadness behind you and try to be happy again, you leave the weird comforting place you were in. That’s why falling in love makes us miserable at times.  We are scared of changes; we are scared to be happy.”

Adam’s fingers were distracting on Tommy’s nape. He felt himself relaxing into Adam.

“Tommy, let yourself be happy again… let yourself be loved, let ME love you.”

Tommy swallowed hard and looked deep into Adam’s eyes. He saw everything he needed to see to know that Adam wouldn’t hurt him, that his feelings were real and true.

“I’m not ready yet to give you what you deserve. I feel like my wounds are still bleeding. It wouldn’t be fair to make you wait. It wouldn’t be fair to let you heal me without a guarantee that I could ever be able to give you something back.”

“Tommy, I don’t need a guarantee. There is never a guarantee when you open your heart for someone. I knew the risk, but still I fell for you. I’m still falling. Let me have you. Give me what you can, and I will try my best to love you the way YOU deserve.”

Adam’s soft voice was caressing Tommy’s soul. He knew he was safe with Adam. He was just not sure if and when he would be able to give Adam anything back. He sighed deeply, truly torn between wanting Adam’s comfort and love and keeping Adam from getting his heart broken.

“Hey, look at me.”

Adam forced Tommy to look at him, his hand under his chin.

“I know what I want, and I know that I might never get it. But Tommy, I could love you. Please, just… just let me love you.”

Adam sounded so earnest, and his voice was touching places in Tommy’s heart which were reserved for Aiden until now. They were probably still occupied by Aiden. It was not fair.

“Please, Tommy, let me show you tonight how we can be. I won’t try to persuade you to do anything tomorrow. But let me love you tonight, let me take your pain and your sadness away, even if it’s just for tonight.”

Tommy stared at Adam in surprise.

“But, I could break your heart…”

Adam smiled.

“Tommy, I’m prepared for that. I can and I want to take the risk. Please, let me have you.”

Tommy looked for mere moments into Adam’s eyes. Then he nodded slightly, anticipation growing in him.

“Okay, but I can’t promise anything…”

Adam smiled a blinding smile and didn’t waste another second. He pulled Tommy closer by his nape, entwining his fingers with Tommy’s hair. His other hand was holding Tommy’s hand. Before Tommy could even get over the shock of how good Adam’s fingers felt in his hair, Adam’s lips touched his. That kiss broke him again. It was so soft and tender, it felt like a wrecking ball tearing the walls around his heart down, brick by brick. It was shocking how good it felt, how right and wrong at the same time.

But the real shock was the way Tommy’s body reacted to Adam. He surrendered to Adam’s kiss like there was nothing else he could do. He opened his mouth and welcomed Adam’s tongue with slow strokes of his own. Over and over their tongues slid over one another. Their hands were pulling at hair, stroking faces, touching naked skin.

Adam never let go of Tommy’s lips when he got up, putting his hands under Tommy’s butt. The touch of Adam’s hands on his butt cheeks made Tommy gasp, and letting go of the kiss.

“What are you doing?”

Damn, his voice was wrecked. Adam smiled at him and started to walk with Tommy hanging onto him. Tommy put his legs around Adam’s waist and clung at his shoulders.

“I will get us somewhere more comfortable…”

Adam was locking the front door and turning off the lights, while he walked towards his office.

“I don’t think your office is more comfortable… well maybe the desk can do…”

Adam chuckled and kissed Tommy again while he walked further and passed the office door. At the end of the hall was another door Tommy had never noticed before. There was a sign on it, which declared it as “private”. Adam unlocked the door, and Tommy turned around, somehow expecting a dark room or something like that. Instead, there was a stairway leading to the next level. Adam locked the door and pulled Tommy close, while he started to climb up the stairs.

“Didn’t you know that my condo is right above the bar?”

Tommy shook his head. He had never given a thought, as to where Adam was actually living.

When they stepped into the condo, Adam turned on the lights, and Tommy looked around. Adam let him down and walked ahead. He showed him around a bit, but clearly directed them pretty fast towards his bedroom. Tommy didn’t complain at all. He was looking forward to having Adam’s cock inside him again. It had been such a long time since their encounter.

When they got there, Adam sat down on the king size bed and started to take off his shirt. Tommy walked slowly to him, pulling his own shirt off. When he got to Adam, he spread Adam’s legs and stepped between them. Adam let his hands run down Tommy’s legs. His lips traced along Tommy’s bare stomach, making Tommy shiver. Tommy kissed Adam again. Then he started to kiss down Adam’s neck, while kneeling down and making his way down Adam’s chest. He kissed and licked every inch of bare skin, chasing the freckles with his tongue. Adam moaned under his touch.

Suddenly Adam moved up and pulled Tommy with him on the bed, turning them until Tommy was lying under him. He pressed his hips against Tommy’s and rolled them slightly, making them both gasp. Tommy could feel himself getting hard under Adam. He couldn’t stop his body from arching against Adam.

Their naked chests pressed against each other, and their lips met over and over again in kisses that seemed to go on forever. They left Tommy open and wanting everything.

Adam pulled back to open Tommy’s jeans. He let the buttons pop open and stroked Tommy’s cock through his briefs. Tommy let out an embarrassing whimper, quietly begging Adam to take him out. Adam got up to take off Tommy’s jeans, but left Tommy’s briefs on. He started to kiss along Tommy’s legs, towards his crotch. He nibbled on the insides of Tommy’s thighs, leaving him panting and grabbing for the sheets under him. Finally, Adam was right above Tommy’s cock. He blew hot breath through the briefs, and Tommy buckled helplessly up. Adam chuckled.

“So impatient, Tommy Joe?”

Fuck, if hearing his name spoken with that hoarse voice didn’t almost undo him…

“Adam…”

Adam grinned up at him and slowly leaned down to kiss Tommy’s cock through his briefs. He put his mouth over Tommy’s cock, and Tommy whimpered again. Then he started to nibble along the shaft, making Tommy squirm. His mouth was wandering upwards. Tommy’s cock was growing harder and peeked out of his briefs. Adam moved closer to the peeking head. Tommy watched him through his half-closed eyes. Finally Adam’s tongue came out of his mouth and Adam licked slowly along Tommy’s cock.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck… please, please, take me in your mouth, don’t tease!”

Adam started taking Tommy’s cock in his mouth while he pushed the briefs down Tommy’s butt. Tommy helped, moving as much as he was able to while under Adam’s sensual attack. Finally the briefs were gone, and Adam had Tommy’s cock in his mouth. He was just holding it and smirked around the base at Tommy.

 “Jesus, what are you doing to me?”

Adam pulled slowly off and climbed back to Tommy’s face. He cradled it in his hands and looked down into Tommy’s eyes.

“I love every inch of you.”

The whispered words hit Tommy right in his guts, but before he could even think about panicking, Adam pulled his lips into a hot kiss. At the same time, Adam let his own hard – and fucking huge – cock slide along Tommy’s erection. They both hissed and looked down between them. For a while they stayed like that, trading kisses and smiles. Tommy let his hands wander over Adam’s strong back. Finally, Adam moved slightly closer to the side of the bed and fished in his nightstand for lube and condoms. Tommy used the movement to get to Adam’s neck. He nibbled along while Adam moaned.

Finally Adam was back above Tommy, and they kissed deeply before Adam started to move down to Tommy’s cock again. He nibbled his way down, occasionally biting down harder to make Tommy gasp and moan. He licked down Tommy’s shaft and moved over to lick his sack. He let Tommy’s balls roll in one of his hands, while the other hand managed to open the lube and get some out on his fingers. He pushed Tommy’s legs further apart, and while he sucked one of Tommy’s balls gently in his mouth, he let his finger slide between Tommy’s cheeks. Tommy gasped in anticipation.

 Adam moved his mouth further down and licked his way towards Tommy’s hole. He kissed and licked until he found the rim. He gave it a short, wet lick and then let his fingertip press against the entrance. Slowly he let his finger slip inside. Tommy moaned and tried to push against the finger, but Adam stopped him with a firm grip on his hip.

“Just let me do this, my way. We have time.”

Tommy whimpered, but nodded.

“Relax and let me, you know… take care of you… that sounds like a line from a cheesy porn.”

Tommy chuckled at that.

“I see, you watch cheesy porn then. One more thing I wouldn’t have expected.”

Adam looked up between Tommy’s legs and bit him on his thigh.

“Ow! That hurt, fucker!”

There was no heat behind the words, and Adam licked over the bite. Tommy let his eyes slip closed again and enjoyed the sensations. Adam let his finger move in and out of Tommy’s body. He did it very slowly while he licked around the rim. Finally he must have sensed Tommy’s arousal growing almost painful. He pulled the finger out, used some more lube, and pushed it with another one in a smooth move back inside, until they were buried completely in Tommy’s body.  

Tommy couldn’t stop himself from buckling up and pushing back against the fingers. Adam was moving them now on purpose and brushed over Tommy’s prostate. Tommy was out of his mind. This was heaven and hell put together. He enjoyed it, but he needed more. Adam was now scissoring him slowly, his fingers moving in and out.

Finally Adam got up and took a condom with his free hand, while his fingers moved a bit faster in Tommy’s body. Adam leaned down to kiss Tommy while he pulled his fingers out. When he leaned back, he opened the condom pack and put it on his cock. Tommy looked at Adam’s hard cock while Adam rolled the condom down the shaft. Tommy licked his lips. He had to bite down when he watched Adam stroking his shaft in order to coat his cock with lube.

“God, I want you inside me! Please, hurry up!”

Adam smiled at him and moved between Tommy’s legs.

“Is it okay for you when I take you like this? I want to watch you…”

Tommy cupped Adam’s cheek, looking up at him.

“Yes, please, just…”

He couldn’t finish, because Adam moved his cock against Tommy’s body and was sliding it between Tommy’s cheeks while he pushed Tommy’s legs up and apart. The head of his cock was then at Tommy’s entrance, and when Adam looked into Tommy’s eyes, Tommy just nodded. Then, finally, Adam’s cock was slowly moving inside. He passed the ring and kept pushing, until he bottomed out.

They both took a deep breath before Adam started to move in and out of Tommy’s body. Tommy bowed his body towards Adam and wrapped his legs around him. They moved together, but Adam was full in control of their speed. Tommy was surrendering to him in a way he didn’t expect himself to. Adam leaned down, and they kissed.

It was so good it hurt Tommy. He looked into Adam’s eyes and knew that there was no question whether or not he would let himself fall for Adam. It had already happened. He was head over heels for Adam. For a second, the fear almost took over, but then Adam pulled back and laid Tommy’s legs on his shoulders. When he moved, he graced over Tommy’s prostate, and Tommy forgot everything around him. From that point, it was just reaction to Adam’s constant movements, to Adam’s love making. Tommy could feel his orgasm building with unexpected force. He put his hand on his cock and stroked it in time with Adam’s thrusts.

 Adam looked down into Tommy’s eyes, and Tommy could see the moment when Adam passed the point of coming. He saw when his eyes clouded with passion. Then Adam threw his head back, baring his strong neck and opened his mouth. When he let a shout out, it was Tommy’s name that echoed around them. Adam put his hand over Tommy’s, and together they stroked Tommy while Adam was coming. Adam leaned down on Tommy and kissed him hard, pushing him over the edge and into a mind-blowing orgasm that shook him to his core.

They were both trying to catch their breath while their lips still touched. Finally Adam stroked Tommy’s hair out of his face and kissed him softly. Tommy whimpered when he felt Adam pulling out. He was so tired he didn’t want to move. He looked up at Adam gratefully when he got a cloth to clean them up. It was intimate when Adam cleaned between Tommy’s cheeks and softly kissed his hole. Then he cleaned up Tommy’s cock and left a kiss on the head. Tommy giggled when Adam wiped Tommy’s stomach. Finally Adam threw the cloth away and snuggled behind Tommy, kissing along his neck.

Tommy could only smile when Adam whispered “thank you” against his neck. Then sleep took him away.

***

 

The morning after they slept together was a little awkward for the first minutes, but then Adam got a call and needed to leave fast. They got away without another talk and Tommy was thankful. He was shocked about his feelings towards Adam. He was telling himself that it was too soon, that his pain over Aiden’s death wasn’t over, but his heart didn’t care. He found himself thinking about Adam in the weirdest situations over the next days. And he caught himself smiling randomly.

Still, he didn’t think he was ready. He avoided a talk with Adam, but Adam let him know that it was not necessary. After a long day, he just walked toward Tommy on stage.

“You don’t need to run away from me. I knew what could happen. Calm down, and try to enjoy our friendship. And when you are ready, I’ll be here for you. I will be waiting.”

Tommy was relieved at first, but when he got home, he couldn’t stop himself from thinking how long Adam would be waiting. At some point he would give up. Was that what Tommy wanted?

***

 

Tommy and Adam managed to deepen their friendship in the following weeks. But anyone who watched them closer, could see that there was more between them. Brad had to bite on his tongue several times while he watched them. He didn’t interfere because he knew they would eventually come around.

About one month after Tommy told Adam his story, Adam surprised him with a visit at his home.

Tommy had a day off and was playing his guitar. He was surprised to see Adam at his door.

“Adam? Did something happen?”

Adam looked coyly at him, avoiding his eyes.

“Can I come in?”

Tommy nodded and walked ahead to get them some coffee. Adam seemed really nervous and kept looking around. Tommy was confused.

“What is wrong? You are freaking me out a little. ”

Adam sighed and sat down, his head in his hands. Tommy sat down in a chair beside Adam and took his hand. Adam took a deep breath, before he looked up at Tommy, his head still in his hands.

“I did something. I wanted to help you, and I did something and now I‘m not sure you will like it.”

Tommy smiled encouragingly at Adam and waited. He patted his shoulder.

“Hey, it can’t be THAT bad.”

Adam looked down again before he started to talk.

“I found out where Aiden’s grave is.”

Tommy’s face paled and he put his hand over his mouth. He could barely speak.

“What?”

Adam sighed and sat upright, looking at Tommy now.

“I found his grave. Tommy, if I overstepped some boundaries, I’m really sorry. You don’t need to go there. I just wanted to help you to find your closure. I didn’t mean to pry…”

Adam was babbling now, and Tommy simply put him in his arms and whispered a soft “thank you" in Adam’s ear, before he kissed him tenderly in the spur of the moment. He looked into Adam’s eyes and smiled, tears shimmering in his eyes.

“Thank you, Adam. You don’t know what that means to me.”

Adam’s smile was blinding.

“You are not mad?”

Tommy shook his head.

“No, I’m not. Just give me the address, so I can go and visit him.”

Adam smiled again shyly at Tommy.

“If you want, I could go with you?”

“I would like that.”

Adam beamed at Tommy, and Tommy hugged him again, a tear rolling down his face. He would get the chance to say goodbye for good. It was time to let Aiden go....

***

 

The sun was shining when Tommy sat down beside Aiden’s gravestone. He let his fingers trace over the stone. “Beloved son, grandson, brother” It hurt like nothing else to see the words, the lies, set in stone.

“Hey, baby! It took me a while to get to you.”

Tommy chuckled at himself. It was weird and at the same time comforting to talk to a stone.

“You might wonder who that guy is standing down the hill, waiting for me. This is Adam. He brought me here. He is a good guy, and I think you would like him. Maybe you wouldn’t like his intentions towards me, though.”

 Tommy chuckled again, and then his face became serious.

“I miss you, Aiden. At the beginning, it took my breath away to think about you. Sometimes it still chokes me. But I’m getting better. I learn to let you go, little by little. It’s hard, but I’m on my way.”

Tommy pulled his guitar in his lap and started to play their song, the quiet notes of “Wonderful Tonight” filling the air. He let his tears flow while he remembered all the beautiful moments with Aiden. The memory was something sweet now, even if the hurt was still lying underneath the surface.  

Tommy lost track of time, completely lost in his memories. A smile was gracing his face, and he had his eyes closed. When he opened them slowly, he was startled by the sight of an older woman standing beside the grave. He hadn’t even heard her approaching. He stared at her, unable to find words for her.

“Good afternoon. You must be Tommy Joe.”

Tommy nodded, blinking in surprise.

“I’m Stella McKinley. I’m Aiden’s grandmother.”

Tommy jumped up and didn’t know what to say.

“I’m sorry. I just wanted to say goodbye. I will go and leave you alone.”

She smiled at him and shook her head.

“No, Tommy – I hope it’s okay for me to call you that?”

Tommy nodded.

“Tommy, I wanted to meet you. Your friend Adam contacted me, and I asked him to set up a meeting with you, without letting you know.”

Tommy turned towards Adam, who was standing beside their rental car. Adam shrugged and smiled. Tommy rolled his eyes and turned back to Stella.

“What do you want from me? I can’t imagine that I have something to tell to you.”

Stella sighed and pulled an envelope out of her bag. She looked at it and then back at Tommy.

 “I admit that I wasn’t entirely happy about Aiden’s life choices. I am still struggling with the fact that he was gay. But I never doubted that he loved you, and I think you loved him too. I had made my peace with him being with you. And then my son decided to… I can’t speak it out loud.”

 She was shaking. Tommy stared at her, wondering what this was about. She calmed down after a few moments.

“Aiden was prepared for something like this to happen. He hoped it wouldn’t, but he wanted to be prepared. He wanted to make sure that someone took care of you afterwards.”

 Tommy shook his head.

“I don’t understand…”

Stella smiled and leaned closer to Tommy.

“Aiden wanted to help you. He wrote this letter for you.It will explain the details.”

She gave Tommy the envelope. He took it and looked down at his name written in Aiden’s handwriting. He was confused and unable to comprehend what was happening. He looked at Stella.

“Did you pay for Casey?”

“You mean your lawyer? Yes, I did. I just needed to make sure that my son didn’t destroy more lives. I couldn’t save Aiden, and that is something I will have to live with for the rest of my days. But I wanted to make sure that you got out of jail. And I wanted to make sure that the truth would get out.”

Tommy was shocked and couldn’t really react. Stella smiled at him and said goodbye. He stayed in the same spot for a while. He couldn’t move; he couldn’t think clearly. Aiden’s letter was like a stone in his hand. He was about to break down when he felt a hand on his arm. He looked back and saw Adam beside him. He turned towards Adam and let himself be enfolded in Adam’s arms. Silent tears ran down his cheeks while Adam stroked over his back.

After a while, he calmed down enough to sit down beside the grave to have a look at Aiden’s letter. Adam sat down too, but let Tommy have some privacy.

 Tommy took several deep breaths and ripped the envelope open. He took the letter out and looked at Adam. Adam nodded and smiled. Tommy unfolded the letter and started to read.

_My Love!_

_Tommy, now that you are holding this letter in your hands, the worst thing I have imagined and feared has happened, and I’m dead. I always knew this could happen, but my heart was still hoping my family wouldn’t go that far. I hoped it was enough to walk away. I don’t know what happened, but I hope you are fine, at least as fine, as you can be…_

_I’m sorry for whatever happened. I never meant to put you through anything like that._

_I just wanted you to know that I spent the best time of my life with you. You made me happy, you made me feel loved. I will be forever thankful for every minute I spent with you. Wherever I am now, I hope your love is still with me. Be sure my love will always stay with you._

_I know you never wanted to get anything from me, but I can’t stand the idea of my family putting you through anything that could damage your life. That’s why I want you to have the house. Please contact my lawyer about it. The address is written beneath. He will know what to do. I can understand if you don’t want to keep it, but I want you to have something that will remind you of me. Make your dreams come true, and use the money to play music. I want you to be happy._

_At last I want you to let me go. You deserve to be happy, to be loved. Promise me you'll let yourself be loved again. I will be watching out for you, but my love won’t be enough anymore. Please be happy, for me!_

_Love,_

_Aiden_

Tommy let the hand with the letter fall into his lap. He closed his eyes and let tears slip out. He opened his eyes to see Adam watching him with concern.

“Are you okay?”

Tommy nodded and smiled, but tears kept running down his cheeks.

“I’m fine. It’s just so final. It’s the last goodbye. I knew this would come, although I didn’t expect a letter from Aiden. It’s time to let go, I know it, but it still scares me…”

Adam moved closer and laid his arm around Tommy’s shoulder. Tommy rested his head against Adam’s shoulder. They stayed like that for a few minutes before Tommy got up and wiped his face with a tissue. He stretched his hand toward Adam to help him up. Then he moved to the grave and let his finger trace over Aiden’s name.

“Goodbye, Baby…”

Tommy turned towards Adam and put the envelope into his pocket. He grabbed his guitar and looked at Adam.

“I’m ready to go. Will you come with me?”

He smiled while he offered his hand to Adam.

“Yes, I will go wherever you will go.”

Adam took his hand and squeezed it tight, and then they walked back to the car to get back home to Heaven.

Tommy felt like Aiden had set him free, like he had allowed Aiden to set him free…

***

 

Tommy and Adam got home late. Tommy felt like a weight had been taken off of his shoulders. He had been smiling the whole time since they left the graveyard. Adam was quiet. Tommy realized that only when they stepped into Tommy and Brad’s condo. Brad wasn’t there yet. Tommy asked Adam to stay for a drink, and that was the moment when he realized that Adam hadn’t said much for hours. It was strange for a talkative human being like Adam.

 “Are you alright?”

Tommy looked closely at Adam. Adam shrugged and avoided Tommy’s eyes. Tommy cradled Adam’s face in his hands, and finally Adam looked into Tommy’s eyes. Tommy was surprised to see pain in Adam’s eyes.

“What is it, Adam?”

Adam tried to look away, but Tommy was holding him.

“I’m just… Tommy, you and Aiden, you were so good together. I promised to wait for you, and I still want to, but I’m not sure I can offer you what you had with Aiden. I can’t promise you that. I am not Aiden.”

 Adam’s voice was shaking. Tommy kissed him softly.

“Adam, I know you are not Aiden. I don’t want to replace him. I only need you to understand that Aiden is a part of me. He will always be in my heart. If one of us should be scared, that is me, because I can’t offer you what you deserve. I can’t offer to love you with all my heart, because a part of it will be always Aiden’s. So if anyone should be scared that they won’t be enough; that would be me.”

 Adam looked at Tommy.

“Tommy, I can’t turn away from you because of Aiden. I don’t want to turn away. I think you needed a closure with Aiden, and maybe you got that today. I hope, you did. You deserve to be able to move on, and I want to wait for you.”

Tommy nodded and they kissed again. They put their foreheads together, smiling at each other.

“Would you like to stay for a while and watch a movie with me?”

Adam grinned.

“Like a date?”

Tommy laughed.

“If you want to call it that, I am okay with it.”

They lied down on the couch and watched a movie Brad got them a few days ago. Tommy couldn’t really say what it was about. He didn’t really pay attention. Adam’s head was on his chest, and at some point Adam fell asleep. Tommy watched Adam’s face in the dimmed light.

He couldn’t lie to himself; he was falling for Adam. He was falling hard. Despite the fact that they had only known each other for a few months, Tommy couldn’t imagine a life without Adam anymore. Somehow it felt right to be here with Adam. It felt right to want to be with Adam. He smiled at Adam’s sleeping face, while the words from Aiden’s letter were spinning in his head, “ _Be happy._ ”

 When he looked up, he saw Brad watching him. He managed to get up without waking Adam. They walked to their kitchen. Before Tommy was able to say anything, Brad gave him a stern look.

 “Adam is a good man. I see that he likes you. I also know that you are hurting, and you are not ready or able to give him what he deserves. So if you plan to be with him, I just want you to know that I will hunt you down, if you break his heart.”

Tommy gulped. They stared at each other for a few minutes. Then Brad clapped his hands, and his voice was joyful again.

“So, you and Adam?”

Tommy had to laugh. He grabbed Brad in a hug.

“I will be careful not to break his heart…”

Brad patted Tommy’s shoulder.

“I know you will…”

***

 

Tommy watched Adam closely over the next days. Adam was so careful with him, so lovely and sweet. He didn’t push Tommy, even if it seemed to be very hard for him. It was time to let Adam know that Tommy was trying to give him something to hold on to.

He decided that he needed at least a small gesture for Adam. Something romantic, something that would let him know that Tommy was trying to be what Adam needed. He waited until the bar was empty and locked the doors. Then he sat down on the stool on stage and started to play a song he hoped would show Adam how much he cared. A song that would tell Adam, that he needed time, but that in the end he would come around.

Adam came out of his office when he heard the soft chords of the guitar calling out for him. He jumped into the song and started to sing softly.

_There might have been a time_

_When I would give myself away_

_Oh, once upon a time_

_I didn't give a damn_

_But now, here we are_

_So whataya want from me?_

_Whataya want from me?_

_Just don't give up, I'm workin it out_

_Please don't give in, I won't let you down_

_It messed me up, need a second to breathe_

_Just keep coming around_

_Hey, whataya want from me?_

He walked closer to the stage with every word he sang, smiling softly at Tommy. Tommy smiled back, knowing that Adam understood him. Finally Adam was close, and Tommy put the guitar down to take Adam’s hand.

“I know you already said you wanted to wait for me. I just wanted you to know that I want you to wait. I know it’s not fair to ask you for that, but I really want you to wait for me. I need some time to sort things out, but I’m on my way. I like you…I actually like you a lot. And I want to give it a try, just…”

 He stopped, struggling for words. Adam pulled him in his arms.

“Just slow it down?”

Tommy nodded with a smile.

“Yes, just keep coming around…”

Tommy leaned up and closed his lips over Adam’s in a tender kiss. When it came to an end, they looked at each other.

“So, can I take this as a “yes”?”

Adam laughed, throwing his head back. When he looked back at Tommy, his smile was shining.

“You have been holding my heart since you played your guitar that night in my bar, maybe even since our first night. So, yes, my answer is YES!”

Tommy smiled just before their lips met again in a slow kiss.

 _Be happy!_ Aiden’s voice was whispering somewhere in his mind.

Tommy laid his head on Adam’s shoulder and let Adam hold him.

_I will try…_

THE END

 

**Author's Note:**

> Aiden's murder is offscreen. Still there might be some images I used to describe the situation after his death, that might be disturbing.


End file.
